So I’m not sure I want to do this, I don’t know if I’m aggressive enough. I know I like it, it will let me travel. But I don’t know if I love it. What if it’s the only thing I know how to do? I’ve been trying to do this for so long. I should stop thinking so much. I guess I’m just going to go with it for a while, and see where I end up. I don’t think I want to live here anymore. Sonoma county is a little better than Marin, but it’s just too hick. Ugh. We’ll see. I don’t want to be here, but I do like my job.

So I have had a few days off, but my hands are still callused and raw. I can’t feel soft things. It sucks. Gloves are... not reasonable. I have them in and out of water and citric acid, and ozone, and its just going to last for a few months. My hands feel swollen. This next week is going to be hell. Since the weather is just starting to warm up we are going to get in most of our grapes this week. They are expecting at least 40 tons per day. It is kind of exciting. I’m still waking up before my alarm. I’m glad I’m going back to work tomorrow. I was starting to get lazy.

I have a pen pal in Spain. He is really cool. I met him in Chile and he is trying to get to New Zealand for a harvest, and since I work with a bunch of kiwis we can totally network. I can’t wait! Plus he is making me practice writing in spanish. I’m reading this new book that is helping me out a little. It’s really good so far. It’s by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. It’s about a 90 year-old man who gets a virgin prostitute to celebrate his birthday and then falls in love with her. Kinda twisted but interesting. I think you might like it. Its pretty good so far.

I have had a really good time these past few days and now all I want to do is goof around. I don’t like having all these responsibilities sometimes. In my laziness, I have thought about things, and I still have no idea who I am. Are we always going to try and figure that out? It seems to happen a lot, when I feel like I know what I want, and am comfortable, and then something changes and I lose that. For a while I have no idea how to start over the process. That’s about where I am right now. Kathryn tells me to cheer up, but I’m just trying to figure things out for now. I do this thing, when people tell me they don’t like soemthing or they really feel strongly about something I don’t, I just keep quiet. I don’t really speak out. At all. I know exactly how I feel about the subject, I guess I don’t feel I need to make any input. I need to start participating. I think that might help my social skills. I have horrible social skills. Sometimes my sarcasm isn’t funny at all, or I don’t know what to say, or I say something that makes me want to pull my sweatshirt over my head.

So E-40 does this radio show on Sundays and it’s totally horrible. Half the time he plays his own stuff. I don’t like E-40. He is like some Bay Area great, but he’s not all that special. No, uh uh. And KCPR is way greater than KALX Berkley.

Yes I have been drinking some wine. What of it? Me and my Dad finished a bottle. We are going to a salsa festival later today in Novato. Te quiero mucho. I’ve realized I start to speak Spanish when I have been drinking. I might just whisper something sweet into your ear if you’re not careful. Hehhehe. Some of the Mexican guys at work realized I knew what they were saying. I kinda liked being a spy for a while. But it’s good to talk in Spanish again. I think I’m losing some of it. Once again, one of the first questions they asked me was if I was married or had a boyfriend. What the hell is that with hispanic people? Why is that always the 3rd question they ask you??? Quiero algo para comer, voy a ir. Si tiene una repuesta, escribame. Gracias.
Ciao!

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When we harvest we find tons of stuff in the grapes that come in from the fields. This week I found a frog, and I have found lizards, weevils and other weird stuff. The most typical things are spiders, earwigs,leaves and bees. Even if this does get into the fermentation tank, the alcohol kills anything living. At least we pick out most of that crap at my winery. Some wineries just dump the picking bins right into tanks. They don’t sort out any bad fruit, or foreign objects. This would probably be the 20,000 cases of wine or more kinda wineries. Like Gallo, or Kendall Jackson, or anyone else who makes a shit-load of wine. Also, the field workers like to add rocks or pebbles or small sticks and plastic into the picking bins. This makes them weigh more. They do this because they get paid on how much they pick. In Chile after we would press off some wine, I would find some extremely flat bugs with the rest of the skins. We have rats at our winery, but there is no way they could get into the wine. They like to chew on the rubber hoses we use. I heard that Gallo’s facility is so big in the Central Valley, that there is a train they drive through it and load the wine onto. I heard they also have a big rat problem. This could be just gossip, but it seems very likely, with their production size. So if you think about it, the US has the most strict labor and sanitation laws in the world, but they allow up to 5% foreign material. Which could be anything. Bug guts. Ewww. You just have to get over the fact that the alcohol kills all that. And I still like wine. Please stop drinking Charles Shaw.

So one of the first questions she asked me was, what kind of car do YOU drive? Well, I don’t have a car any more because my parents needed it. From then, I could tell, the night was going to be very boring. But it ended up okay. For some reason we went to Broadway, which is not the area you want to meet people in. Bunch of bachelor parties, tourists and strip clubs. Ugh. And it didn’t help that Maria told me to wear a skirt and she ended up bitching out on me and not wearing one. So I looked like the slutty one of the group. Thanks a lot. Walk around the red light district with a short skirt and boots attracts the BEST kind of attention. way to go. but we ended up meeting some nice boys that we will probably never see again. Hard to believe you can meet some decent people on that street. I guess we were talking about what we want in a man, and they mentioned, good job, decent car, and taller than them. Hmmm. I have way different things at the top of my list. So even though we danced to ACDC and Kelly Clarkson, I guess it was an okay night. Some boys bought me 4 drinks, so that aint bad. And I was reminded that Maria and I went to Hustlers back in the day. Yes, I took her to her first strip club. And now she wants to be a stripper. I didn’t see that one coming.
I watched Motorcycle Dairies today. I pretty much went to all the places they did. The funny thing is, that every thing still looks the same as it did back in the 1950s. The Leper colony looked a little nicer than even the better buildings in the jungle. I noticed a glitch in the film too. Argintinians speak with more of an Italian accent and do use "Che" a lot, but Gael’s character used Po at one point which is more Chillean. they use po as a space filler. Por ejemplo, "Si po". I wonder if that was intentional. I feel like I have so much more to tell about my travels, but I don’t know where to start. And I wish you could have been there. Para este momento estoy enamorado con Gael Garcia Bernal. Que rico. Falta un hombre que habla un otra idioma como yo y conoce otro paises. Pienso que este es un punto en mi lista. Eso y tambien, un caballero que sabe soy una reina.
Voy a acostar muy pronto, pero tengo mucho hambre. Punta madre wiskey. No puedo espara para mis suenos con Gael. Ahhhhh.

I got paid! This is the biggest paycheck I have ever gotten in my entire life! I’m so excited. Today I went to the Oakland Art and Soul festival. I dragged Maria to see Hieroglyphics, Lovemakers, Pinback and Lyrics Born. She liked them. I’m glad I can push good music on people. Even if I trick them into it. Muhahahah! I saw Jason Roy there too. He was with his sis, and Jay James, and I think that DJ Howie kid, I don’t remember his name. I think it was Mike or something. Small world.
I’m glad my parents are gone. I like the house all peaceful. I can play my music really loud, and walk around naked, and not worry about waking them up if I come home late. So tonight Maria and I are going into the city with this girl we went to middle school with. I don’t really remember her, but she found Maria on Myspace. Maria remembers her, and says this girl is funny and nice. That tells me absolutely nothing. Does she have a great sense of humor too? So I’m kinda nervous. I don’t know what we’re gonna talk about. I really feel like a dirty martini though. Maybe I’ll have a couple of those tonight, and I’ll become a chatterbox. It’s strange because I think me and Maria have grown apart, and we really don’t have that much in common anymore, and so we don’t really talk much. I’m really ok with not talking a lot, but I don’t know how she feels, or what this girl is gonna be like. Oh yeah, she wants to be a porn star or a stripper. I didn’t really know how to react to that. I just told her that Spearmint Rhino would probably be too far of a commute since she goes to Cal Poly now. Did I just tell her it was okay to be a porn star? She has changed a lot since we were 12. I don’t know what to say if she brings it up again. It’s not like I’m gonna tell her what to do with her life or stop her from doing what she wants. So I guess I’m indifferent to it? I don’t know. I could never do that kind of thing. We used to be so alike.
I’ve been thinking about my LA boys a lot. I wish we could hang out soon. Like tomorrow. But all my friends live too far away. Boo.

The last day of August. I really did want to see New Orleans. It doesn’t look like it’s there anymore.
This week has been a little insane as far as my emotions go. I hate this part about being a girl. We think about shit too much and little things make us cry. We aren’t weak, I guess I can start speaking for myself at this point. I know I’m not weak, I know I’m crying about stupid shit. Like some horrible girly movie, but I can’t help it. I kinda recently discovered that I have this whole emo side. I hate being this stereotype. So yeah, I wrote a poem the other day. And there is no way in hell I will post it, cause if you comment on it, I’ll probably cry or go listen to my sap happy music.

I realized I don’t like this place. I think I came back too soon. Too many, well, bad memories I guess. I never fit in in this town. Maybe because I didn’t like hanging out at the gas station after school. Kids still take their prom limos there and hang out, usually listening to classic rock really loud from their big trucks. This place is totally not me. No wonder I was always a loner and felt awkward and never fit in. Yes, I am kinda a nerd, but I was able to keep some really cool friends over these past years. So I wonder where they were back then? Maybe I wasn’t meant to meet them until later. I guess I kinda believe in that fate thing. I definitely do not believe in psychics. I saw one last year just for fun on Venice beach. She told me about my future, and she was really sure that certain things would happen. But they never did and still haven’t. And of course she said some vague stuff that would probably apply to anyone. I think I believe in fate cause I try and remain hopeful about things. Maybe I will travel all over the world. Maybe... a bunch of other stuff too... I dunno. I’m such a day dreamer. I’ve always been off in my own world. I guess that goes back to being a loner.

So my klutziness has made me electrocute myself today. I was power washing the cellar and touched the part of the handle of the washer gun, and I thought it was just hot metal, but my hand kept hurting after like 10 min. and that’s not supposed to happen when you touch hot stuff. Maybe I shouldn’t have picked a job that allows me to be more accident prone.

My parents are heading to Mexico this weekend. My mom is getting her Mexican passport. Them moving to Mexico is looking more and more real. Kinda scary. I dunno if they will take to living there. They are kinda high maintenance. There is no way you can be high maintenance in a Latin American country. I feel very proud that I was able to make it down there. It’s very different. I now feel like I can live anywhere. Kept track of all my money, got around, lived the life, all on my own. It made me grow up a little. But in a good way I guess. I kinda miss it. So in 6 months I’m getting back on a plane. This time we are going to South Africa!

Finally done with work as of 8pm. Surprisingly I don’t have to work tomorrow. I’m thinking of getting shitty. I’ve actually started on that as of 3 glasses of wine and a brown drink recently... I have an invitation to a food orgy party at the Berkley co-ops. This is totally serious. My friend Kathryn says I don’t have to participate. She likes to just sit back and make fun of people. I think that would be the only way I would go... if I could do that. Apparently this one house is known for their orgy parties. Honestly, I am kinda curious. I had a really rough week. Long hours and breakdowns will do that to ya. But I’m not about to go getting nekkid and shitty. That is reserved for Mardi Gras only. Ohhh painful memories... at least I had my fuzzy butterflies on... OH god...

So. The kids I work with are pretty cool. There is a young couple from New Zealand, a guy from Boston, and a girl from Finland. She is really boring. She doesn’t like Halloween or carving pumpkins or babies, or her half mentally challenged neighbor, or spike and mike’s animation. I seriously have no idea how to talk to her. How can you hate dressing up, and babies... and... I just don’t understand. I don’t want to make my brain hurt. My right eye is twitching at this.

I am incredibly lonely up here. Yeah I live with my parents, but I don’t talk to them about my personal life. There just isn’t that connection. They have no idea what is going on with me. Which I am a little sad about. I look at other people and they have such good relationships with their moms and I just don’t trust... I dunno... I want that, but every time I try, it turns sour.

Someone get me on a date already. I don’t think I’m a bad looking girl, I mean, everything is symmetrical right?... except for some freckles I guess. And I know good music. I finally had a good cry yesterday. Something I needed to let out for a really long time. Like, I should have done it months ago back in Chile. I feel so much better today. Sometimes you just need to let it the fuck out. I slept a lot better too. And I’m feeling even better now, going for my next brown drink...

So I used to write poetry. It wasn’t that good, but it let out my true feelings, and was completely personal and therapeutic. I haven’t shown that stuff to hardly anyone really. Maybe I’ll start writing again. Haven’t been inspired to yet, but it will happen. I have been reminded that I am a strong-ass woman. And I’m ready to kick down some doors. Alright alright.

I think that all my girlfriends are great strong-willed women. Byron has mentioned this, and we really are kick ass chicks. And seriously, any man that steps to this, has no idea how badly we can rock their world. Yeah. The fucking hot-ass train is commin. What?!? Ok... simmah. I think that I write differently than I talk. I’m a little more extroverted. OK, a lot more. I guess I’m treating this livejournal like a real intimate journal. Piling all my personal stuff into it. Not a lot of people read this anyway. And I’ve got a nice buzz going, so I’m more willing to say more.

I have bright pink streaks in my hair. It looks really cool.
Thats all.
Out.

I can’t wait for this birthday thing to blow over. I found 3 grey hairs on my head this morning and I’m only 24 peoples!! What is that crap?!?! My parents are off visiting my dad’s mom, so I have the house to myself. It’s nice and quiet. I’m gonna head into the city today to Amoeba’s and Aquarius to treat myself to some music. I’ve made a very big list... we’ll see how much I can get. I have also re-discovered some music that I didn’t get to put on my ipod before I left. Francis the mute is truly amazing.
I also found a nice bar in Novato. It’s called The Viking. It’s a lot like the gas light. But with a viking theme. I soOOoo want to wear the helmet with the horns on it.
I weighed myself for the first time today since... I guess January. I lost over 20lbs. I have no idea how that happened. It’s a good thing, but strange. Maybe I picked up a parasite in Chile, before I picked up the parasite in Peru. Maybe just working a lot did it. I have no idea where it went. weird. I am also 5’8" instead of 5’9" like I thought I was for 8 years. Am I already shrinking like an old lady?? What the hell is going on?!?!
So this is probably my last free weekend for a few months. I work a lot. There is really no time to even hang out with people I want to. My old roommates Sierra and Anna are moving back to Marin, Carina’s here, and soon Jen will be up here doing her marijuana harvest. Don’t even ask me how she got hooked up with that. But I don’t think I will really be free until November. I guess that’s how my life is gonna be for a while. I kinda knew that was gonna happen. I’m glad they are patient people. I just want Sunday to be over.

So my job is kicking my ass again. Getting up at 6 am for my commute isn’t too exciting. I’m doing a ton more work too. But when I’m there, the people I work with rock. They are really nice, and funny. It’s only been my third day working with one of the winemakers, and we’ve already called each other bastard, and have come up with code names for the walkie talkies. One of the owner’s life partner of husband or whatever drops by sometimes and remembers me from last time I worked there. He is probably the funniest and most crass gay man I know. He tells great dirty jokes. Ohhh yeah, we also have a huge wine cellar that has over 400 bottles in it that are just for harvest alone. So within the next 3 months, we need to finish off all this wine. well, if we want to. I’m gonna ask for a few bottles for my birthday. Which is on Sunday... bitches.
Usually I celebrate all month. But I’ve been so busy moving from different countries, getting settled and starting work again, that I didn’t really plan anything. It feels pretty lame. What do you celebrate at 24? I’ve never really liked my birthday anyways. It’s always been during back-to-school time, or my friends are always on family vacations. I’ve always been alone. Or felt like it. I think I like celebrating other people’s birthdays more than mine. I like planing stuff and surprising people. Or getting them something they had no idea they always wanted. I think that comes from being quiet and watching people. Or being a loner. Maybe I put so much effort into the gift because I don’t want to lose the person. Maybe I’m extremely insecure with friends because I’ve had so many treat me so badly... or maybe I just like seeing people happy, and know that I helped make that happen. That makes me feel good... yeah. This is a conversation for Carlos. He could pick this apart and make me see different sides. I missed him too. Since I’ve been back, I’ve gradually gone into the whole not sleeping thing again. LeAnne and Victor want to have lunch on Sunday. That will be nice. I know a place that makes a great vegan carrot cake. I hope I don’t have to work. I told Carina we will burn the motha down. So I guess I should get into the birthday spirit by then.
*sigh*

thanks to everyone who participated in my binge drinking down the coast of california. just like old times. the mccarthy’s bartender even gave me 4 olives in my bloody mary! i cant believe all the stuff that has happened since ive been gone. the time didnt really go by quickly either. i was gone for a long fucking time. i didnt get to see everyone long enough. Wish we could have hung out longer. julie actually scared the crap out of me. she was the first person I saw and she tackled me at chilipeppers. then she had this look on her face like she was gonna get me really drunk tonight. but i sort of worked on that on my own. im glad i got to see almost everyone. i think i remember cussing out rodolfo in spanish. oops. and yes, 151 kills brian cells. i somehow feel more stupid today. still have some souvenirs to give out. i still have to hook up with kate so i can give it to her. i am so dirty.
it was really nice to see everyone. we saw brian mcnight and a louis vitton assault rifle within like 5 minutes of eachother on melrose. i couldnt figure out who this guy looked like, and he gave me this look like, "yeah, im brian mcnight" and we all just kept walking. whatever. they are selling my green fake members only jacket at urban for like 80 bucks. now every hipster dufus is gonna look like me. great!
i think ive pretty much gotten rid of my culture shock. for a while it was like stuff was just moving around me. i cant tell you how awesome hot showers are.
i join the working world again tomorrow. im really excited about this job. i’ll get to work directly with the winemaker and i’ll be focusing on their second label sasons de vin. which are 4 wines, one for every season.
copainwines.com

things i will remember about chile (the good and the bad):

the dirt road
chickens and dogs running through the yard
salsa dancing in Valparaiso
drunk nights at the castle
seeing the Andes through my kitchen window
my harem
early morning runs through the vineyard
the gypsies
all the stars you can see in the campo
the sunsets
hitch hiking
whiskey tasting in the department store
horseback riding in the vineyard
my teleseria Brujas
arana pollito tarantulas
being sexually harrassed
the Caceres family
my bitchy roommate
all the coke in the campo
obnoxious vineyard birds from Antarctica
cold showers (not something I will miss)
being the only non-smoker
omar’s band
puking at pablo neruda’s house
cheese empanadas
the german girl
my 5 different bosses
getting mail and packages
sushi in santiago
learning the metro

there is definitely more, but this is a good list for now.

So yes, Im definately culture shocked. For a little bit I felt like getting back on the plane to South America. Everything is familiar here, but... I dunno. My life had completely changed when I moved, and this place didn’t change. Marin County is like the Northern California OC. It’s a beautiful area, lots of people are insanely rich, and the teenagers are fucking annoying as hell. The majority of people here are old retired couples, rich brats, or young suburban families. I feel like I kinda went through Che’s process, without the starting a revolution thing. I felt what it was like to have people look right through you, because they knew how much money you were making, and I felt the kindness of the lower-class, poverty. And I did get to ride a motorcycle for the first time.
I went driving for the first time yesterday. I drive really slow. Went to a football game in San Jose with Carina, Nate, Frank and her sister were there too. It was really fun. Yesterday my brother moved out. He is moving to Vegas, got a new job flying people to the Grand Canyon, or Area 51 or whatever people want to see at 200mph. Now I definately have to go visit. Today, my parents want to take me wine tasting in Napa. They just like to use me for my discounts. My mom keeps mentioning that I was in Chile. But in strange situations, like when people really dont need to know about it. She made an appointment for a manicure for me, and told the lady that I needed one because I just got back from Chile. Or at the drugstore, or restaurant waiters. Complete strangers who don’t know me, and probably don’t give a damn.
My bug bites from the jungle itch so bad...

Just in case you missed some photos, I took a ton over the last 5 months:
http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/ndtalia101/my_photos

I climbed a tree and swong from a vine!
like tarzan.
yeah.

I?m finally home. It feels kinda strange. Everyone speaks English. Everything is bigger and cleaner. I think I’m a little culture shocked. I think I have a parasite. My tummy hurts a lot. When we got to the jungle, I had food poising and heat stroke the first day. They made me this mixture of sugar cane water and salt. Sort-of a natural Gatorade and some tea made from leaves from the jungle. I got better the next day. We took a canoe ride in a hollowed out log up to this camp site, and hiked for about 2 hours into the jungle to see monkeys. That was really cool. I saw an anaconda, and we swam with grey river dolphins. I went fishing and caught a piranha. Saw electric eels, and a sloth, and I have a ton of mosquito bites. They are so aggressive, they bite you through your clothes even if you have bug spray on. We all slept on the ground under bug nets. I was pretty much living off of just rice and water, cause my stomach couldn?t take the fried yucca root or fresh fish they caught. We stayed in this tiny village and the people were really nice. This little girl with downs syndrome became my friend. She was about 6 years old and had one of those bloated bellies you see on one of those save the children commercials. I guess that comes from so many parasites living in your body. She was sweet though. She only knew a few words, one of them being beer. Which was sad. At one point she climbed into my hammock and laid her head on my chest. It seemed kinda natural and maternal and that kinda scared me. Something I?m not ready for. Maybe someday? cause I can cut tomatoes real good. We ended the trip with a canoe ride under the stars. The jungle was so loud. All you could see were the outlines of the trees along the river and fireflies, and shooting stars. Getting to and from the jungle took a 20 hour bus ride, 4 hour car ride, 4 hour boat ride and a one hour hike to the village. We passed over the Andes in this big bus which was one of the scariest experiences in my life. Curvy road at night with a most likely drunk bus-driver. Yeah. We passed by a bad accident that involved an other bus, and a few cars that were completely smashed. I couldn?t really sleep too much. Oh yeah, when we finally got back to Piura I almost got robbed. So considering all the crap that happened to me in Peru, I didn?t like it too much. But it was an awesome experience. How many people get to go camping in the Amazon jungle? Seeing all the poverty and homeless children there was depressing. Most of the kids have pimps so if you buy anything from them, you know the money is going straight to their pimp. Lilian?s site where she works is so beautiful. She is up in the hill sides, and people there plant everywhere so the mountains look like patchwork. So after about 3 days of busses, boat rides, and planes, and probably a total of 7 hours of sleep, I am finally home. And yeah? it does feel strange. I am so tired. I?ll write more later. Just to let you know I?m safe now. Going to re-connect my cell phone tomorrow. So you can call me if you wanna at the old number. 4158472020 cause I’m back in town. Vacation ends on the 15th. Then its back to 12 hour work days. Asi es la vida.
Love,
me

im in peru! actually in the north of peru. in piura. its nice and warm here. the food is better and everything is much cheaper. i dont have much time to write, we are headed off to a town where they make ceramics. i had mexican food last night!!! it wasnt that great, but i had a tortilla!!! i saw a italian movie with spanish subtitles. it was pretty good. called el secreto. the airline lost my luggage, but it should arrive tonight. there arent as many street dogs here, but there are more homeless children that hastle you. and there are no gypsies. still taking cold showers though, but its not too bad since its so warm outside. we are staying in a hostel and my pillow smelled like pee so i had them change it. i cant believe the amount of variety in the supermarket, and tiny sidewalks. people are less lovey-dovey in the plazas too. we watched a wedding in the church down town last night. the church was beautiful. everyone honks their horn here. you cant drink the water, or flush toilet paper. they have moto-taxis, i think that peru is a little bit more dangerous than my little village. i hear people get robbed a lot here. so im beign more careful. thats all for now. im in perú yay!!!!!!

So, Im currently in Santiago in this guy’s mansion. He sells french oak barrels for a Spanish company. He lives right next door to an ex-president, so there is a guard outside on the street 24 hours a day. Its kinda crazy. Today has been a little weird. I said goodbye to everyone at the winery and was totally in tears. I think I let people effect me too easily. Next time I won’t share my feelings so easily. I didnt think I was so attached to the place.
On the ride up to Santiago I saw a bike accident. This guy got hit by a car and must have flew 20 meters or so. They will probably make one of those shrine thingies on the side of the road if he doesnt make it. I have no idea if he did.
So tomorrow Im off to Peru. Looking forward to warm weather and seeing Lilian. I cant believe I packed up my life in two suitcases. This whole trip has been strange and amazing, and hard. I dont know how to explain it. I’ll try and make a list or something. I guess I will find more words when I get back. I cant think of anything right now. There is so much more I know I want to say. This day has been so weird. Miss you. See you soon.
Love,
Me

So Friday I had the day off, so of course Thursday night had to be a drinking night. So I hung out at Juan Pablo?s house and we all ended up watching a movie and drinking this crazy Brazilian liquor. I passed out on the couch with the cat Ernie sleeping on top of me. That was the first time I had been out since I got sick. Felt really good to get out of the house. Then Friday I surprised the guys with cake and ice cream and chips and stuff. For my despidida, and like an end of harvest thing. They really appreciated it, and it felt nice just to all hangout together without them being nervous with the bosses around. They were pretty much the reason why I liked coming to work.

So last night I invited pretty much everyone I know to the new pub in the Hotel. No one came, but I got to watch Omar?s band play one last time. I also met a guy who wants to turn his land into grape vines. He?s some movie producer. He wants me to take a look at his family?s land on Tuesday. So this is really cool, I might have vineyards in Chile. I actually doubt it, but it could happen. I also met Mr. grabby hands last night. Have you met him? No? Well, if you see him, tell him he can kiss my ass. Taking advantage of a drunk girl isn?t the most classy thing to do. It?s actually pretty pathetic. So yeah, that fuckface can eat it.

When we got into the pub last night, I realized that last time I was there was karaoke night, and I ate a dried chili pepper off the wall. I really have no one to control my stupidity down here. But you know what? If you dare me to do something when I?m drunk, I?m gonna fucking do it. For instance, jumping in the lagoon at the castle. And?that karaoke thing?and the cake fight we had last night. Whisky makes me sassy.

So I?ve got a little headache this morning, but it?s my last day. I?m cracking open any and all wine for my tourists. It?s the best work day ever! I?m not working with my roommate and no one is hassling me to do their bitch work. I just really need a nap.

Como te extrao mi amor porque ser
me falta todo en la vida si no estas
Como te extrao mi amor que puedo hacer
te extrao tanto que voy a enloquecer.

A veces pienso que tu nunca vendras
pero te quiero y te tengo que esperar
este destino me lleva hasta el final
donde algn da mi amor te encontrara

Ay amor divino
pronto tienes que volver

Como te extrao
me falta todo en la vida si no estas
Como te extrao
te extrao tanto que voy a enloquecer.

A veces pienso que tu nunca vendras
pero te quiero y te tengo que esperar
este destino me lleva hasta el final
donde algn da mi amor te encontrara

Ay amor divino
pronto tienes que volver

El dolor es fuerte lo soporto
porque vivo pensando en tu amor
quiero verte tenerte y besarte
y entregarte todo mi corazon.



and...I’m bored.

I am the biggest dork. I recently read over some old entries, and Im a big nerd. i think the first time i remember sticking out was my first day of kindergarten. my big brother was supposed to tell me when to get off the bus. which he didnt. and we couldnt sit together cause he was too cool. so he got off the bus without me noticing. and i just kept riding the bus to all the different schools. finally when i was the last kid on there, the bus driver asked me where my school was. i had no idea. cause, my big brother was supposed to tell me. jerkface. she was naming off some schools to see if any sounded familiar. finally one of them did. so i walk into my first day of school... face all red from crying, late, wearing my pink corduory overalls, mexican poncho, carrying my wonder woman lunch box. kids just kinda stared. why have i always been so awkward?

So yes, ive been watching the news, and everything thats been happening is really depressing. I don?t recommend watching morning news programs here. Its like watching the WB morning news. Everything is a spectical, and they plug in hip music and its all really annoying. Then they usually have a group of scantally clad twenty-somethings teach you dance moves to all your favorite reggaeton songs.

The only news I enjoy watching is the one right after my favorite soap opera. Yes, ive gotten hooked. I understand why people in my little village get so sucked into these programs. Because theres nothing else going on, so watching a ridiculous drama on tv is your life. You talk about it the next day, and cant wait to see what happens. Ive almost turned into one of them. Except for the fact that I realize this is silly and can in no way affect my life.

Something that I have noticed here is the huge gap between rich and poor. Not only in material things, but personality. The people who I work for treat me and the other guys like dirt. Because we are disposable. If we quit, there is another guy waiting in line for our job, and they can pay them a shit wage because of this. Ever since I started working for the tourism department, ive been treated this way. Yes, there is the advantage that I can speak English, but since my first day, my roommate/co-worker has looked down at me. Also, there are the bosses. Since I have like 5 different ones I have to answer to, they all have this attitude about them, like they expect to be served and treated like royalty. Not once did they make me feel like I was appreciated, or welcomed here. The only people who made me feel that way were the guys in the cellar and our nanny. I went off about this to some of the guys, and they believe that it is only this company. So thats just fucking real. I work for the only company that treats people like crap. But you can see this type of treatment at the hotel downtown where the tourists and money hang out, or on tv, or anywhere. The people who have less money are interesting, fascinating, beautiful, nice people. There is just some sort of screen other people here put up, and they are so ugly for it. I cant stand my roommate. I don?t even like being in the same room with her. She thinks I don?t speak any Spanish because im so quiet around her. But I really just don?t want to talk to her. She is pretty on the outside, and gets a lot of attention from men, but since Ive gotten to know her, she is the most selfish ugliest person I have ever met and I cant wait to not live with her anymore. Two weeks left to the Amazon.

Ahhh so I got that out of the way. It feels different to explain it in English. Im heading into town today to get some things. I need a aux cable for my ipod for when I go to Perú. The ipods are just coming into stores right now. Chileans are a little slow. I have realized that Chile is the most gringo country of South America. Lots of street signs are English names, and they even use some English words. The worst is me tinka. Which means I think. Chilean Spanish is really horrible Spanish. Im looking forward to warm showers so I can finally shave. Cause yea, shaving takes time, and you don?t want to stay in a cold shower for longer than you really have to. And im looking forward to a good salad that is more than lettuce, lemon juice and oil. Its strange that fresh fruit is a luxury food. So ive lived in this country long enough to get to know the people, and culture, and I don?t feel its for me. The food part really isn?t a huge issue, more so, that I haven?t made a great connection with anyone. And I think that?s a little odd since ive been here so long. Ready to move on to the next country. But first a 5 month pit stop at home. Lately ive been asking myself why im in such a hurry to start my career. I guess I don?t know. I need money? Don?t want to live off of my parents forever. My work is gonna allow me to travel around the world. I think I just want to take advantage of that. yeah.

i am sick. i feel like i want to be 7 years old again. someone get me a blankey and my juice box. i think it was all because of this lady and her kid who stayed over the weekend. he was rubbing his snot all over the place with his little hands. Rrrrr. spending the weekend with a 3 year old was fun sometimes. we had a lot of tickle fights. but i was seriously over the temper tantrums. im really not ready for kids. i dont mind baby sitting or anything, but i still want a few years more of being selfish. knowing i can drop what im doing and go live in another country is awesome. i wonder what my mom says to people when they ask about me. oh natalie, she lives in chile now, working in the winebusiness. that just sounds really cool. soon it will be: oh, she lives in south africa/spain/italy, shes a winemaker.
i hear afrikaans is an easy language. and it only took me about two months to get good at this language, so theres hope. im actually losing my english. i cant think of words sometimes on my tours and i just say them in spanish. not to mention my spelling is probably really bad.
i think im gonna try and go snowboarding. either this weekend or before i leave. the andes are way different from the sierra nevadas. well, duh. but there are no trees so they say depth perception is really bad and a lot of people get altitude sickness.
did you know there is a cumbia version of Ole ole ole ole? i really should have known, but didnt until i finally heard it this week. i can cumbia, i can salsa, and im opening up a gym. i want to find a good salsa club in sf when i get back. and i want to be a regular at someplace. i miss my mccarthys. its kinda sad that i havent really met anyone here that ive connected with. its been four and a half months! omar was cool for a while. we talked about music a lot. but after i learned he liked avril lavine, i knew there was something off. and he really likes keene. i fucking hate keene. is that how you spell it? well, then theres alfonse, but hes american. he came to visit me one day at the winery on his dirt bike, and he ran over a chicken in front of the owners. yeah, kinda sad, but really funny if you picture it. feathers flying everywhere.
so my boss gave me some pillow chocolates for my trip home. umm great. i worked 12 hour days, 7 days a week for two months to make your wine, and i get pillow chocolates? thanks. i ate them already. im not even leaving until the 20th. they gave the german girl a hat, shirt, bottle of wine, and descorchador(losing my english) before she left. her dad is an importer for Montes. and i get pillow chocolates. thats a re-gift isnt it? oh well. at least i know all their secrets to making wine here. Muhahhahah. and i can use my winemakeing powers against them. and burn the mother down. is that what the kids are saying now a days? nerd alert. all i have left to say is: amazon. bitches. and... i need a kleenex.

so it wont stop raining again. i like the rain sometimes. i really dont like winter time. in the south 8 people have died because of the rain the last two days. there are mudslides, peoples houses are colapsing, a whole parking garage was flooded and 6 cars were completely underwater. some streets in santiago are flooded too. my socks are soggy.
i hate this fucking weather. ive been stuck inside for days. all i want to do is go running. arrrghh.
this weather makes me depressed. i cant stop thinking about stuff. i need chocolate or will farell or something to make me happy. my mind isnt in chile anymore. i feel ive already moved on. i dont think im ready to go back to CA though. im still running away from things.
actually i really miss san francisco. i cant wait to go to herbavior, and chavas, they have my favorite mexican food. my family has been going there for years. theres a cute little old lady who makes fresh tortillas every day right in front of you.
and its summer in california.

so im finally getting around to other wineries! im taking a ton of pictures of equipment and bottling lines and stuff. im like a spy. its really interesting. actually its kinda nerdy. who the hell takes pictures of equipment except professors on field trips? last night i went to the opening of a new restraunt. thats right, free liquor! it was yummy. there was a hueca band too. hueca is the national dance. today im doing a free tasting of Montes wines in the tourism office downtown Santa Cruz. there are no tourists in the winter time, so im just messing around on the internet. ive been watching the gypsies in the plaza work. ive never met a group of people who are just like scavengers. they come out right around lunch time, when everyone is on their break, and they do figure eights in the plaza. after about 1 pm, they re-circle the plaza every hour or so. kinda like the seagulls at recess.
we went to the mall last weekend and in the department stores, they do tastings of whatever they are selling. yes, they even do tastings of whiskey! did i? would you? i thought so.
its been sunny for a few days now. very strange. i only have 15 more days of work left! im so excited to not work for this retarted company anymore. i like the area and all, chileans just dont know how to run business to cater to international people. and im really tired of the musica romantica. which brings me to the most awesomest package ever sent in the history of care packages. CDs and a t-shirt from my favoritest station in the world. kcpr. kate made me a mix of music from spring quarter. i was dancing around like billy elliot. and then i made a stiff vodka naranja, and my music bubble seemed shiny again. hearing somthing so refreshing made my month! im so grateful.

Kathryn called me to tell me she was hungover this morning. Im glad she calls me for retarded stuff like that cause I do the same. I too was hung over. different hemispheres, same headache. awwww. did i really feel like smoking cigars and kareoke was a good idea? well, yes. at the time. how the hell did i do kareoke in spanish with a bunch of business men? that was weird. im glad my replacement big brother alfonse was there. his dark side keept offering me rum so that he could see me punch someone in the face. dont worry. i stood my ground and there were no casualities.
there was a big earthquake in the north this week. 6.7 and some people died. it was sad because you know those shrines they put on sides of the road for dead relatives? this whole family was there praying, and as the earthquake hit, the hillside colapsed on them. really sad. wow, i just realized how saying that brought this whole journal entry down. sorry. thinking of something nice.....
Ricardo´s baby is being born today! the 17yr old kid. little martín se llama. i got him a little froggie bib and booties. there´s gonna be a big asado one of these weekends for him. pero, arta ensalada para mi. jeez, 17 with a kid. living in the countryside is like that i guess. since everyone lives with their family, and most of them sleep in the same room, its hard to have ¨romantic¨ time. so most of the hotels have hourly rates, and people often do it on their lunch break. i thought that was interesting. and there are a lot of birthdays happening this month. so i guess people like to get busy in spring time. i wonder if the rates go up?
its my roommate nancys birthday on sunday. i have the weekend off, so we are gonna go look at cars together. she wants to buy one but doesnt know how to drive yet. hopefully i will get to teach her. or maybe test drive for her... i just wanna have some way of getting around, and i miss driving a little.
ive gotten so much accomplished this week. i got my malaria pills, and im finally legal again. i got my visitor´s card extended so i can stay up until september if i wanna. im finally starting to live like a chilean. taking the buses, metro, hitchiking, smelling like the campo. yeah, i kinda cut down on my showers cause the water is like 40 degrees and the weather is about the same, and im not really breaking a sweat drinking wine and giving tours all day, so yeah, im kinda stinky i guess. did you really need to know that? oops, sorry. i still smell like a cigar. eeugh. yeah, maybe i should stop now.
im so excited for the amazon!!! swimming with piranas and playing with spider monkeys! im going to the jungle! i already have the hair for it. when i get back, im dying my chunky streaks purple. it took me a few days to figure out what color i wanted, and they dont have purple in the pharmacias here. my hair is a lot longer now. remember last june when i chopped it all off up to my chin? the lady cut off a whole foot of hair. now its back down to my boobs. crazy.

Every so often my disorder rears its ugly head and I?m reminded of how fucked up my insides are. The room starts spinning and my breathing gets heavier, and you?re not there to hold onto anymore. Your heartbeat just seemed to regulate mine.
So the room spins and I can?t concentrate and everything just gets scary for a short while. These episodes only happen about twice a year. And then the depression sets in. It?s amazing how I can feel it coming on. Almost suffocating. I keep telling myself that it?s going to pass soon, it always does. I have to live with this somehow. Somehow. My insides just don?t want to normal. I can?t be healthy like everyone else. But it?s always happened. I?m still not sure they should have told me at that age. But would I have ever been ready for this? At least their getting shorter.
This is probably the one and only time you?ll hear about it. I don?t like talking about it. But I guess it?s therapeutic.
So it will pass. And things will get better... until the next time. Whenever that will be.
I hope your mom is ok.

My little town of Santa Cruz has 3 pubs and two discos. Most everyone goes to the discos which are really not that great. The deejay is pretty much just popping in cds and there is no flow. i could do so much better. at some point in the night there is usually a gringo mix that they put on. it always has the same songs and is probably the same cd. it goes something like: blondie, creedence clearwater, jimi hendrix, coldplay, B52s, creedence clearwater. then they do a reggaeton mix of the 5 most popular songs of reggaeton. that goddamn gasolina song. every now and then they throw some salsa or cumbia in there, but thats about it. i actually had a deejay dream a few weeks ago. it was awesome. i was in the station and i took over this trainees show, and he got all freaked out cause i knew what i was doing and he never saw me before and i knew where all my favorite cds and vinyl were. i did this awesome set. it was a good dream. Dreams like that always happen after ive been listening to my ipod. im so glad adam talked me into bringing it.
My brain is kinda getting mixed up. because i speak in both spanish and english and sometimes when im drunk i could have been speeking in spanish but remember everything in english and its all sort of blended into one language for me. sometimes its hard to remember little words in english.
I tried cuban rum for the first time. Usually rum makes me want to puke or punch someone in the face. But Cuban rum was really yummy. You cant get it in the states cause of that whole embargo thingie, but its really good. Ive been thinking that my whole experience here would be a whole lot better if I got out more. Living in the country and not having a car is not that great. Im pretty much trapped here unless I want to hitchhike into town, which is a pain in the ass anyway. Sometimes people drive by, sometimes they dont, and collectivos arent that reliable.
Im really not looking forward to tomorrow. its gonna go something like this : I know I have to get up around 6. hitchike into town. catch an early bus to santiago. watch a van damm movie on the bus. take the metro to the departamento extrajera. wait in line for an hour for them to call my number. fill out paper work. wait in another line for an hour to file the paper work. then if i have time, try and get to a clinic. wait in more lines. try and catch an early bus home so I dont have to take a taxi. collectivos are cheaper and stop running around 7:30. Hopefully I can get some cheese empanadas or sopapillas in there sometime. Sopapillas are fried pumpkin bread. yeah, really good stuff.
I cant wait to go to the amazon!!! we are going to Tarapoto, Peru. I googled it and got some ladys journal entry. but it has pictures and stuff. http://www.realtime.net/~raintree/peru/tarapoto.htm Its known for its waterfalls. Yay! All the guys I work with think im gonna be eaten by an anaconda. honestly, i will be really excited if i even see an anaconda. dont worry, i will stay far away from it. my camera has zoom.

Alfonse is back in town and im so excited. more sweet hookups, more trips to the castle. We went last night and i drank a lot of wine, not too much that i jumped in the lagoon again, but it was enough, then i fell asleep next to the fire. he invited me to go snowboarding with him tomorrow too, but i gotta work. i hate this stupid job. im not learning anything and i just sit on my ass all day and wait for someone to give an english tour to. plus i have like 5 bosses. everyone seems to like to tell me what to do. all i want to do is sit in the lunch room and read. is that too much to ask? some days i get to fill out fermentation charts, but after that, my day goes down hill. im really over this job. i want to get out and travel, and go snowboarding in santiago, and see other wineries. i hate money. it all comes down to money doesnt it? well, i have about another month of putting up with this job, saving money, and my roommate isolina. after that its off to the amazon. i got my yellow fever vaccine last week. it was awesome, i just walked into the vacunatorio at the hospital and said, gimmie yellow fever. paid a lady, and they shot me up. my arm still has a soft spot. :( why did she ask me if i was allergic to eggs? she wasnt gonna inject me with eggs was she? does yellow fever have egg in it? how does that all work out? hmmm...
Monday i have to go back to santiago to extend my tourist card so i can be legal again, and go to a clinic to get malaria pills. i got the winery to pay for my tourist card extension. it was 100 bucks. i feel pretty proud that i talked them into that. but im not looking forward to going into the big city. another six hours of traveling in bus. three hours there and three hours back. ugh. the smog really gets to me too. i always get a headache and my eyes get all dry. they say that you smoke 4 cigarettes every day just living in santiago. last time, i was with renee i got some good pictures of the smog crust when we went up to the top of this hill where they have a giant virgin mary and a church. i forget the name of it. the downtown of santiago looks a lot like new york. lots of people rushing everywhere, modern and old buildings, kinda dirty.
Just to let you know, since i have about one month left, if you want to send any ummm care packages, or ummm goodies in the mail you should do it now, that way i will definately recieve it before i leave here. my mom sent my birth control pills like a few weeks ago and they are still not here yet. this sucks ass cause i only have a week left. and even though im not sleeping around or anything, im not looking forward to my body having to re-adjust to not taking them and then starting up again. sorry, that was sort of a girly note. so i guess while im getting my anti-malaria pills, i gotta get my anti-baby pills. more money out the door. pucha.

oh yeah...

natalie dale
casilla 208
correo
santa cruz
sexta region
chile

Last weekend was totally awesome! Renee from the canadian embassy took me around santiago. i met a few winemakers at this wine and cheese party, and we went to the most awesome sushi bar in the swanky part of town. you had to ring a doorbell to get in and there was a DJ and everything. waaay too cool for me. i felt like a secret agent. it was fun. i ate octopus for the first time. it was chewy. i dont think i need to try it again. drank lots of good wine, and saw star wars!!! the first time i have been to the movies since ive been here. it was soooo kick ass! I got to stay in renees guest room, and take my first hot shower in months. her appartment is almost twice the size of my little house is on the 8th floor, and has a view of the Andes. So I still havent gotten used to cold showers yet. but at least my hair is nice and shiny. living out in the country has its ups and downs. i sent a package home to my parents with all my summer clothes since i dont need them anymore, and i can save room for souvineers. they said all my clothes smelled like a barn. thanks. the horse stables are actually right next to my house. what to you expect from me? the only time i see concrete or a paved road is when i go into town, about once a week. i guess im immune to it. i know when i get off the plane in san francisco, im gonna have this smell of south america fuming off me. like pig pen. :) speaking of, i bought my tickets for home last week. gonna be back on the 4th of august. ill be leaving from peru after i go to the amazon!!! so next week i have to take the 3 hour bus ride into santiago to get yellow fever and bug spray with DEET. they spray that kinda stuff on crops back home. and i will need it to fight off the bird-like mosquitos so i dont get malaria. its kinda sad to think about leaving here. Renee said that traveling changes people. shes neither canadian nor chillean. and usually when she talks to her friends back home, they dont have much in common anymore, because their lives are in different places. like when i went off to college and maria stayed at home and went to community college. we went in different directions. i think im scared of this. i think it wont be so bad tho, my friends are pretty diverse. im just not all caught up on the pop culture stuff. i can feel me just starting to settle in to chillean lifestyle. i have two more months. i dont want to think about it. its always been some sort of count-down. but i cant stay here forever. i have to travel more. moving on...
i have decided there is no way i can live with my mom when i get back. she takes what i tell her and changes it to be the way she wants to tell the story. which totally isnt the truth. and she has a big mouth. thats how i know about my brothers girfriend and their whole personal, i mean personal lives. i cant trust her with anything. thats why i dont tell her about my boyfriends. because then my whole family will know. everyone. like when my cousin in alaska knew all about patrick and the crap he pulled. what the fuck? why the hell would you talk about my personal life to anyone besides me? she doesnt get it. shes so fucking stubborn. AHAHHHHH.
anywho, ive noticed some chillean fashions: girls here are really tiny and wear really tight jeans. it doesnt matter if they are too chubby to fit into them in actuality, they will wear them if they can zip them up. their stomachs just flop over the tops. i have seen way too much camel toe. they are all about wearing their jeans tuked into their boots too. think that was in style in the states last fall. the guys here have really bad hair cuts too. i think they are trying to bring back the rat tail. really fucking ugly. and they all like red sneakers and wear sweaters around their necks like they are in some ralph lauren ad. sometimes you get to see a punk kid, wearing all black and skinny pants. they wear john foos here instead of converse but they look exactly the same. whats funny is that you see grafiti saying punks and skins or something having to do with skin head. i really dont think they know what it means cause most of them are brown. how can you be a skin head, scribble arian graffiti and be brown? ive decided that im really attracted to cute boys in suits. like the killers guy. is it possible to have a sweet tooth for boys? they just looks so damn good.
ive gotten some of my gift shopping done. finally! i only have a few more people to go. i have no idea what im gonna get my brother. i dont think he will like something arts and crafty. he probably wants some lacoste t-shirts. i can get them cheaper here. maybe some burburry cologne. i want to get him something chillean, but i know he wont like it. maybe some chillean candy. everbody likes candy. they make really good caramels!! its called manjar. im getting hungry.

i just finished a tour with 4 americans. they gave me a 5 dollar tip. not gonna do much good to me. since no business i know takes american dollars. but it was a nice gesture. i ended up drinking a little too much. they did too. and they really enjoyed the tour. which i think is why i got the tip. but anyway, right now since there is no food in the house, and i havent eaten for ohhh since last night, when there was some extra rice in the pot, im kinda tipsy.
this weekend im off to santiago to hang out with a girl from the canadian embassy and another friend i met through the german girl. i hope its fun. i dont have much money left since its the end of the month. i need to buy presents for people. and new jeans. a street dog bit my new ones in the plaza. for some reason i didnt mind at the time, cause i was a little drunk. damn it! i swear im not drunk every day. but the little hole the dog left is gonna turn into a big hole someday. and chilean jeans are reeally cool. this shopping thing has got to stop. i keep finding excuses. but everything is so cheap.
so omar has pissed me off. he did one of those bob-jackass moves, and i really dont feel like talking to him for a while. i can see this turning into one of those rants about how men are stupid and we are all superior, and how we dont understand what goes on in their heads and how fucking easy it is to understand us because its so fucking easy to keep us happy, blah blah blah.
p.s. i need a man who can hold his liquor. must be able to get under the table to drink with me. do you know any? cause chillean men are weak.

i just realized that kinky is playing in buenos aries on friday. thats almost right by me. not really. but it would be sooo cool to go. i have this weekend off. i think im gonna try and make a santiago trip. i actually should go to argentina sometime. by the end of this month i will be illegal. like the manu chao song. some people from the canadian embassy in santiago stopped by the winery on friday and i gave them a tour. they said i could stay at their place anytime and they would show me around. how awesome is that. plus they are really funny. what canadian isnt? ay?
so yesterday i gave a tour in spanish, cause my boss was late for work. sometimes i surprise myself with how much i can speak this language. before it was just short answers, now its whole conversations. its really great that im learning more and more everyday. chileans talk a lot. they wonder why i dont talk so much. my answer is that im not really a big talker in english, so its not too different for me. i like just sitting back and watching people. thats why i love the plazas here. thats all everyone does. sit on the benches, watch people go by. i have to try and make as many day trips as i can. i only have about 2 more months left here. but im definately comming back in december with my family and who ever else wants to go, when its more warm. Valparaiso is crazy on new years. thats what the guys told me. i think a lot of chilean men would look good if they didnt have a unibrow. too bad.
Chile is much more comercial than I had thought. the canadians were telling me theres a hooters and starbucks in santiago. but chileans dont go there. and even though i think we are about a week behind american television, i can watch the oc, joey, csi, and american idol. i actually like animal planet and the news the best. the el gourmet channel isnt that interesting. Chilean food dosent have that many ingredients.
its been so stormy these past few weeks, i have tomorrow off so i want to go to Pichilemu, supposed to be the best surf beach in Chile. I hope it doesnt rain, but it looks like it will. boo. all this stormy weather is messing up my telephone signal and the tv goes in and out. im lucky the internet is working. this whole weekend is a holiday weekend. some battle against peru or something, i dunno. doesnt really matter cause i had to work all three days. right now im just keeping warm in the front reception area watching the rain go in different directions, thinking of you...

its another morning hungover. we have no food in the house and i went and bought vodka. was that really a smart idea? prolly not. turns out my brother isnt gonna visit me after all. it was more important for him to buy a bmw. we are two completely different people.
its so fucking cold here. there is so much snow on the andes right now, and its only the beginning of winter. did i tell you i can see them from my house? how cool is that? im from california, i dont like cold. last night juan pablo and omar and me walked to this bar, taking swiggs from my vodka bottle. it kept us warm. reminded me of cmj and my flask that saved our lives. i always try not to mix alcohols, but for some reason i seem to forget all the time. wine, vodka, whiskey, vodka. thats how the night went. ugh. i keep burping up the combination. that was too much information, wasnt it. sorry. moving on...
its finally stopped raining here yay! a moat had started around my house and the dirt road into my village is really fucked up.
i told them im gonna quit at the end of june. i want to go live in valparaiso for two weeks and then head up to peru. i took the job with copain. its only for 4 months anyway, and after that, i will be able to go anywhere. i hope. and then everyone will be calling me for work. yeahhhhh.
i think you would be proud of me, im staying away from boys with guitars, tribal tattoos, puka shell necklaces, and trucker hats.
this is the most random journal entry ive ever written. it has to do with the hangover. my brain is going in totally different directions. i need to sleep. bars here close whenever there are no people to serve. and discos close at 5. so i got home around 4:30 because im responsible and had to work in the morning. this is a pretty average night out. i now have to go drink wine with american tourists. wish me luck.

It has been so cold here, and today, it hasnt stop raining. Kinda matches my mood. Last night I watched Bailando en el Oscuridad, or Dancer in the Dark. It made me cry. I remember the first time I saw it, it was with my best friend, even though he knew that I didnt like musicals. I cried then too. I think that was the first time I ever cried in a movie. Kinda strange to remember that. You would think there were many other times.
I think my brother might come and visit me. I hope he does. He needs to get away from his ex-current-blood-sucking-lying girlfriend. I miss him a lot too. We would have a lot of fun running around Chile. He finally finished all his ratings. So that means that he gets his diploma and is a full-fledged comercial airline pilot. Im really happy for him.
Ive been all tired lately cause I cant go running in the mornings since its been cold and rainy. My nose might freeze off. Ive realized I will never be able to do office work. I need a job that physically kicks my ass or im not happy. I guess when Im tired at the end of the day, I feel like Ive accomplished something. Working in tourism is not what I want to do. Im seriously thinking about taking that position in Santa Rosa.
My parents are thinking of selling my house. Where I grew up. Its sad, but they cant afford to live there anymore. Totally understandable, but there were so many memories. I think they are gonna move to San Francisco and live above my grandparents. They need to be taken care of too. And then maybe move to mexico, or probably where ever I end up. There seems to be a lot of moving going on. Felicia and Isai and Carina are moving, Jackass might be moving, my brother has completely left Arizona, and I wont have a permanent address for the next few years.
I just want to eat popcorn and stay in bed. I dont think ive even seen popcorn in the supermarket. peanut butter is also hard to find. and you can forget about tofu. I´m gonna to go back to studying. Ohhh yeah, I found these pics in an old email too. very funny. http://www.whereistony.com/the_trip/nevada/vegas/index.htm
That was a fun trip. I dont remember some of it. I believe I puked in the hotel room trash can, and somone peed in a trash can on the street. Oh wait. was that supposed to stay in vegas?

Crazy german girl left today. Shes going to work in San Jose. I guess we will meet up later when I get back in August. My little village is once again scandal-free. Too bad. It seems more quiet now.

The gypsies in the park approached me and wanted money, or read my palm, or cigarette, or some other bull shit. Saying you dont understand gets you out of a lot of uncomfortable situations. Like the time I got sexually harassed. Stupid fuckers. He asked me if I have a boyfriend. Yes I do. First of all Im not gonna tell your skanky ass that Im available, and second, I know what youre up to and dont want any of that. Do you have sex with your boyfriend? Do you like the sex? Fuck off! At least that was what I was thinking. But no entiendo seemed to work just fine. That was back when I didnt know how to curse in spanish. I still dont think i would have cursed at them. I dont know why, I always back out of situations like that. I avoid confrontation. Sometimes thats a bad thing. Why dont I protect myself? Maybe its because people like that dont deserve any of my attention.
Like the crazy new girl who was in my dream last night. Really strange. It must have been the cheese empanadas and whiskey combination. We were all hanging out. The new crazy girl was trying to pick a fight with me. Her boyfriend was giving me looks. I think she was jealous. I didnt want any part of her or her boyfriend. And we were all speaking in Spanish. I just wanted to leave. I hate that feeling. Even though I could kick some ass if I wanted to, I dont. Im gonna run into people like that my whole life. Im sure of it. I always think I could be able to handle situations like that, but I cant. I guess you never know until youre actually in those situations. I think next time ill be prepared. but it was only a dream. a really intense one. why am I so soft? i dont want to become cynical. I like thinking that people are going to tell me the truth, and be honest and sincere, and Im not gonna get fucked over or hurt. I still have hope. Its little, but its there. I dont think it will all come out soon, but I can feel its still there. You knew I was gonna be ok in Chile, didnt you? That whole sexual harassment thing, grain of salt. I miss you guys a lot.
love,
me

My harem is growing. Flippin awesome! Ok so there aren´t that many in it right now, but it does reach as far as Santa Cruz to Valparaiso.
Valparaiso was awesome. We went salsa dancing with the boys. I had a lot of pisco colas and screwdrivers and dont remember part of the night. But I do remember it was fucking fun as hell. The next morning wasn´t so fun. I really hate pisco. Why do I keep letting myself drink it? We hiked up the ginormous hills to Pablo Neruda´s house. Took the tour, and it was sooo cool. Everything in the house was exactly how he left it. So much history. I love his poems. I can´t believe I was there. I´m a big fan. After seeing the house, I puked in the alley. If it had to be anywhere, I´m glad I puked at Pablo Neruda´s house. The whole situation kinda puts a smile on your face.
Yesterday I went horseback riding through the vineyards. Me and german roommate Dani went up to Machigue, rode horses around the lake, and then came back to Apalta to ride some more in the hills. She ended up falling off the horse, which was funny to the workers cause she´s an unexperienced gringa. I was a little worried for her. But since she had my camera in her hand when she fell off, I´m a little pissed off. The shutter is broken. I think the camera will fall apart by the end of this trip. Bitch. She´s leaving for Germany on Saturday. She´s been very unlucky to me, so I¨m not so sad. These last few days have been unbelievably fun.
Will write more later, my boss wants me to count bottle of wine. Whooo hooooo.

So i think im gonna try and make it to spain. yeah i know im passing up this awesome job. but im really not ready to settle down with a full time yet. humph. there is so much more i want to see. after spain i want to go to south africa. im getting it all lined up. i hope im making the right decision. i dunno. it feels right. but its a big step.
do any of you want anything from Chile? like a flag sticker or something? i heart chile t-shirt? i gotta find something musical i can bring back. ive started a collection of music stuff from the different countries ive visited. i have a digjerido(sp?) and bongos so far. maybe ill pick up a flute or something. hmmm.
ive started running in the vineyards in the mornings. its really beautiful here. i watch the sun rise over the volcano. Snow on the mountains far away. it gets really cold here at night. last night it froze. living in a house with a sheet metal roof is not warm. is it weird that i will be spending the next two years in constant autumn? its may, and it feels like december. how freaky is that?
tomorrow im off to santiago and valparaiso! im really excited im getting out of the sticks! and i get to work on my spanish alone. it was really hard to get through the food chapter in my grammer book. i started getting really homesick for some mexican food. ohhhhh so delicious.

so my german roommate has caused a scandal in my little village. she brought back some guy to our house and all the field workers saw him leave in the morning. i could really give two shits about this, especially since i didnt hear anything all night. but apparently, one man sleeping in a small house of 4 women, they all want to know what bed he slept in. its also a little bit of a scandal that i went skinny dipping. im just glad i didnt tell them that it was with only men. and it wasnt some orgy thing, dont worry. i know of a particular naked hot tub excursion in SLO that a few friends took part in. in fact it happened a lot. kinda like how everyone has seen austin´s penis. no biggie. i mean, yeah its a good size, but its not that big of a deal. ok im just going to stop.
im also tired of the homophobia here. if you mention that someone is gay or lesbian, they automatically make this face like the person smells really bad. and im so tired of explaining that that person over there is really nice, and exactly like you. they just like men, or women. this homophobia thing comes up at least once a week with different people. im too liberal for this little town. i hope santiago is different. i need to travel more.
they have real gypsies here. they tell fortunes, wear hippy skirts, sell jewelry and live on the side of the road in these really colorful tents.
there are tons of little shrines on the sides of the road for dead relatives. there are a lot of drunk driving accidents. and since no one wears seatbelts, they die. you´d think they´d get the point by now. yeah.
so i know i could take this assistant winemakers job in California. but it wouldnt give me a chance to travel, since its full time and all. so i dont know if i want to take it or not. arrrghhh. i will know by the end of this week.
thanks for the mail lindsey! i just got it yesterday. im a big idiot and forgot your email address, so i would have thanked you in a more personal way. that sounds kinda kinky. oops. but you know what i mean. or do you!?!?!?
anyway, so i get paid this week, and me and the german girl who everyone doesnt like now, are going to santiago to go shopping. they say everything is cheaper there since the sweatshops are actually closer to the stores. kinda like the garment district in LA. yay! then i think we are going to Valparaiso. i dont know exactly how this will all work out, considering that the students in Valpariso were rioting a few weeks ago, and how i look like i could be a student and all. another adventure for me!
i have a ton of pictures i need to post. since im in the tourism office, and there aren´t many english tours, and we´re going into winter, so its off season, i have a lot of time on my hands. i went through the vineyard on monday and took a bunch. i´ve also changed my photos to yahoo. that way you can put pictures up of me on your screensaver, and wallpaper and stuff without the picture saying snapfish on the side. cause i know your gonna do that.
we have a new nanny now. she´s not as good as the old one. but Bernarda, the one we used to have was my buddy. we talked and gossiped all the time. but she loves the campo more. i guess better for her. i miss her. ive developed a crush on alejandro sans. ´hes this spanish singer in the new shakira video. HOTNess. i just with the video showed more of him than shakira´s ass-shaking-spasmic-belly-dancing thing she does.

so last night i brought my new german roommate out with my friends juan pablo, omar, alfonse, and some other winemakers to the castle. it was a sort-of send off party for alfonse since he´s going back to gringolandia today. try and think of a german girl speaking spanish. its a little awkward, the accent, but she´s been here about the same amount of time as me, and she´s a much better speaker. im jealous. i drank so much wine, we went skinny dipping in the lagoon. what a kick in the pants. came back around 6:30 in the morning and i almost slept through work. oops. i actually think i am still drunk. oh well. the strange part is, is that this used to be normal behavior. ahhh how i miss it. i have a cut on my foot and i have no idea how that happened. yes, i am still drunk. i also got mail!! yay!!! i heart byron so much. if only i were a little barefoot guatemalan woman living in a shack on the hillside. i´d be all over that ish. good to hear that people are doing well up there. i have a lot of free time now that im working in the visitor´s center. i´m basically on call every day if there´s an english tour needed. its actually pretty cool, when i meet people, they think im chilena. im developing an accent. its not as cool as thomas´s impressions of british people, but im working on it. so i have more time to think about stuff and i miss the food from california. my mom sent me a package of chocolate and tofu, but i need mexican food. or else i will die. well, not really, but i miss it a lot. i need spicy. everything here is so bland. in chile right now they are all about juanes and reggae tone. im constantly translating songs for people. which always ends up with them blushing because a lot of music is about sex and love. i love funk and soul music, especially female soul singers because they have so much passion and courage in their music. que linda.
oh yeah, that guy, he´s in the harem too.

So Ive been thinking. if i take this job as assistant winemaker with this awesome winery, it will open many doors for me later. i will be able to go anywhere in the world and work a harvest, not as an intern. this is really overwhelming. kind of a dent in my travel plans. but it might be for the better. i would start august 15th. which means that i wont be able to go to spain and meet up with jen and george. hmmmm.
so last night i went over to juan´s house and he bought us beers. we just sat and talked for about 2 hours. then i snuck carolina out and we rode bikes to this other town called san jose, where theres this house that sells liquor and bought two bottles of pisco sour (i still have a headache). it was a fun night. drunk bike riding is dangerous. this family seems to have taken me in. they are wonderful people. i am invited to juan jr.s b-day, and a baptismal. i have to get presents. i feel very lucky. im all emotional this week. stupid period. every fucking month. juan jr. is hilarious. hes only 15 and hes such a rico suave. ahhh but he has so much to learn. he tries to pose all sexy when i take pictures. i just shake my head. i guess this works on chilean women.
today im going on another tour, as my training to be a guide. this job is gonna help me stay here longer, but i need to tell them that i have to quit soon. by the end of june. so i can travel around in july, go to the amazon with lillian at the end of july and travel back to the states early august. i guess now i have a plan.
im gonna be a fucking winemaker.

So my job is changing. I will now be working for the visitors center giving tours. its a light cushy job with more pay, mas luca, super bueno. but it will be boring. it gets tiring saying the same thing over and over to people. i will have to get creative. im working on getting a job in spain. my old boss has some connections, and the guy im replacing here at the visitors center knows a guy. everyone seems to know a guy, but contacting that guy is the hard part.

So it seems that my brother is in the same position i was. he is the most unlucky person i know, besides carina. shit just seems to happen at the worst times for him. the little town he lives in is dragging him down. he needs to get out and see the world. as he was moving out of his appartment, a martini glass broke in his hand and he had to get stiches. now he has to see a hand surgen. and his ex-girlfriend, (she´s got really big boobs, totally his type)wants him to take her with him. hes got to get out! even though it sucked to leave all my friends, im so glad i left the country. this place is so beautiful. i know i say that a lot. but im really so thankful. and even though i dont talk to some friends, like maria and aline, i know we´ll hang out again, weve known eachother since we were 13. goddamn thats a long time.

Carola, juan´s daughter who is about 19, she and i are are gonna work on a bottle of whisky tonight. we´ll see how that goes. for all you alkies, a bottle of johnny walker black is about 8 mil pesos. about 6 bucks. you are so jealous.

In the supermarket, they have announcers that walk around interviewing people about what they are buying and why, and they talk about the sales going on for the day. its kinda entertaining to watch. they have this monster truck madness kinda voice.

Omar and I are planing to travel down south for a week sometime later. after i quit. or they fire me. they tend to like to fire people. two guys who i became really good friends with got axed. and 3 others too. you do one thing wrong here and your done. ive never been fired from a job. i think it would suck. but what the hell, im in chile. the worst thing that could happen to me is that i have to come home. where my friends and tofu are.

Corten el hueveo, huevona! Estoy viviendo in Chile! Loca!

Every so often I realize I´m living and working in Chile. this is extremely cool. i can see snow on the andes from my house. they´ve started to machine harvest here because its supposed to rain on tuesday. which means that harvest will end next week. boo. but seriously its kicking my ass. i think ive lost about 15 lbs. or kilos, i have no idea anymore, the metric system is confusing me, stupid american system. why couldnt we just be like everyone else, then everything would be a lot easier.
they use 1 liter of sulfer for 1 ton of grapes. Thats a lot. my nose is constantly running because of breathing in all the sulfer.
I think that men in the US should start winking more often, latin men do it really well. especially chilenos. and start taking up the custom of kissing a girl on the cheek when you see her. Take note from Rodo... cause we like it. In fact, try and listen to any prince album, and well... you´ll get the picture. it really isnt all that hard.

oh yeah, i posted more pics.

ciao

i had a chilean hot dog yesterday. with out the dog. they come with mayo, mustard, katsup, tomato, avocado, and hot sauce. it tastes exactly the way you would think it would. Brazillian hot dogs come with mashed potatos and potato chips on top. weird.
they put avocado on everything here. its so cheap, they are about 10 cents US for one.
the chocolate here sucks. my mom is sending a package of tofu and dark chocolate and socks. yay!
i apparently have a job offer when i get back to the US. Assistant winemaker at Copain. copainwines.com they make awesome organic wine. high end stuff around the 60 dollar range. this is really exciting! but i want to go to spain in august for the harvest. so we´ll see what happens. things are really starting to move fast for me.
for some crazy reason i have the whole day off today. gonna head into santa cruz and try and meet up with omar.
the sunsets here are awesome. reminds me of san jose, CA. because there is so much smog and dirt roads everywhere, the sunsets are red and orange and so beautiful. im taking tons of pictures.
you know when you have your hands full and you need to point to something. you do it with your chin or forehead? here they do it with their lips. it looks really funny. try it in the mirror.

the friends i have now are amazing. thanks for the letters and emails and all the support. you feel like family to me.

Right now im dealing with ipod withdrawl. im so glad adam convinced me to bring it. it really is my baby. i am totally blocked off from the music world. i have no idea whats going on and new bands and stuff and its driving me nuts. i miss being a dj. i have no time to look them up on the internet or watch mtv. except i did see the lcd soundsystem video. kick ass. those guys are really good live. im gonna miss coachella too. the music part of it anyway. the camping part i would not recomend. they closed the showers on us last year and you had to get up early to stand in line for the water hose. so not showering for 3 days in 100 degree heat is not all that fun. sleeping next to tyler who snores a lot wasnt exactly all that great either. i so want to see gang of four. OHHHHHHHH man. coldplay i can do without. i wish we could all hang out again. someday. maybe a vegas trip, so we can all catch up on eachother and our drinking binges.
so ive gotten a few letter in the mail! yay the system works! i must have read each letter about 5 times. thanks guys! ive been really busy these past few weeks. harvest has started and im working 12 hour days except on sundays when i work 6. so ive been up to a lot. a lot of sleeping. harvest is kicking my ass. but i really love it. its crazy that i get excited for the day. i think im nuts. ive never felt this way about a job before and its a really good feeling. oh yeah, my hands are purple.
so last week i got to hang out with the winemaker from california and we went to this castle and i ate chicken off of a sword. it was really crazy. this medevil castle in chile where this guy makes organic wine and ther is no electricity only candles. there is a small lagoon that is filled from a natural spring and the place is creepy. the people call this guy a vampire. but we drank good wine, ate chicken, and listened to omar play the violin. the pictures should be up. im gonna try and change the website since you have to pay for them at snapfish. on monday, began the cosecha nocturna. or night harvest. mostly for rich tourists. there was a news team there and i got to be on tv! the americans that i meet here are generally not very nice. they are wine snobs and drunks. which is sad that they are here representing my country and they are all drunk vulgur people who id really rather not talk to, even in english. so i got to pick grapes at night and it really wasnt that special. just picking grapes at night. whoooo. but it was an experience.
its starting to get colder here and i feel the seasons changing. ive always wanted to live in a place long enough to see that. the people i work with are really nice. there are still a hand full that feel like they dont need to talk to women. but whatever. i have my group of guys who will kick some ass if i ask them. this winery feels compeletly disorganized. the bosses dont talk to each other and dont even get their hands dirty. they just like to give orders. fucking bastards. i think that if i knew the language well enough and they actually respected women, i could totally take over this place in a few years. but i know the culture wont move that fast. i would like to stay longer here , but my plan is to see other parts of the world too. so we´ll see what i do. right now its all up in the air.
so i work all day and sleep all night. and get paid very little. vaht a country. ive noticed that when someone is your boyfriend or girlfriend here, the word is used loosely. because they always have one on the side. so im gonna stay clear of all that. there is a family who has decided to try and set me up with one of their sons. both have girlfriends and are 17 and 15 years old. the 17yr olds girlfriend is due in april. a baby boy. the way things work down here is a little insane. any woman under the age of 30 is up for grabs. doesnt matter the age difference.
i really want to try and travel more. but i guess it has to wait till after harvest. lilian who is doing the peace core thing in peru wants to go to the amazon at the end of july. im thinking that im gonna go. so the language is getting better. im speaking much faster and im understanding a whole lot more. even the chilean slang. tonight im having dinner with a few women who work on the sorting line in their little pueblito. everyone is curious about the gringa. after dinner, me and my roommates are hitting the town. the town with 3 bars and 2 discos. but its really cute. im getting used to the small town. even though i dont see it too often. because i live in the sticks. it feels more like a big town. i do miss the food from california. everything here is really bland. a salad is iceburg lettuce with lemon juice and salt. and thats all. but my nanny is awesome! she makes a good lentil soup. im so spoiled.
what else..... the bugs here are big and furry. spiders, moths, beetles. everything. big and furry. we have a juniper bush that surrounds the house and the birds go nuts in the morning. i bought some earplugs. this week i get paid. its not much, but im going shopping. i need a warm jacket for the night time. and underwear too. the puppy has eaten 3 pairs off the clothes line.
the pope died. its a big fiasco down here. the news is only specials on the pope, his life, a documentary on someone who organized the pope´s visit to chile. they are really streaching it out. usually its riots somewhere, or accidents. really the news is more interesting here. stuff actually happens. not like in slo where the big story is that its going to be 75 degrees tomorrow. again.
so things are improving. and thanks for the letters and emails. i love to know whats going on in gringolandia. besos.

love,
natalie


Natalie Dale
Casilla 208
Correo
Santa Cruz
Sexta Region
Chile

011-56-9-295-7668

I think its funny how the last time we talked, you were telling me about some book you were reading about a girl getting fisted.

And thats the memory you wanted to leave me with.

bravo.

So yesterday totally turned around for me. After i got off the internet, I called Omar. Alfonse from the US was in town and they were going to go to this castle where an organic winemaker lives. So I begged my roommate to give me a ride into town and I met up with Omar, Juan Pablo, Al and his father who doesnt speak spanish very well either. we headed out to the castle. this place was so crazy. just off the road, you would never know it was there. there´s a small pond that is fed from a spring under the castle and the water is pure. This guy, Alejandro who lives there, built this castle in 15 years. he lives there with his daughter and makes wine. there is no electricity, just candle light. So they bbq some chicken on a sword, and i had some. EWW. but I didnt want to be rude. very surreal night. Alejandro also makes music there.(so theres electricity to one room) mostly just ambient noise stuff, he was influenced from the sounds of the castle. crazy. so im in this castle, in chile, drinking wine, listening to Omar play the violin, eating chicken off a sword. it was a very beautiful night. i posted the pictures too. Hopefully i will be able to go back to the castle. Omar has dared me to jump in the pond. Never dare a drunk Natalie. bring it on.
miss you.

Happy Semana Santa! I have the day off. Except I have to work on sunday. Oh well. I finally have some pictures up you can look at. Hopefully you got the email. snapfish.com, ndtalia@hotmail.com, password: fosho. So today is a lazy day. I can´t go anywhere because the collectivos and taxis aren´t running and it´s a long walk to the main road. I don´t know how good I am at hich hiking. I wish I could go to the beach...

This week kicked my ass. On Tuesday a girl got fired because she let the sulfer drip too fast into the tank. I actually did the same thing about 2 hours later. But really it was Claudio´s fault. He told me to make it go faster. I seriously hate this guy. He is so completly lazy and he has some competition going on with me, that he hasn´t really let me in on. I actually can´t stand to be around him at all. My roommate Nancy has heard the same thing from other people, so I´m glad I´m not alone. Any day I don´t have to work with him is a good day. This is good because he´s the only one who speaks english, so I can learn more. So yesterday I was told to go talk to him to get the information on the grapes I was going to recieve. How to fill out the forms, the tonnage, etc. So I go ask him,¨So I´m recieving grapes today.¨he says ¨sure.¨ I say,¨so do you want to tell me about it?¨he says, ¨sure.¨ long pause. (motherfucker) he says, ¨30 tons.¨and that´s all he tells me. So fuck it. I´d rather try and speak to someone I can only half-way understand than this ass-hole. because the grapes are more important that whatever the hell he has going on with his ego. ok enough with the rant.

I have some friends down here. Melinda and Joshua who I met at the Poet in santa cruz (usa) through carina. they are camping and hanging around and will be heading up to bolivia through the inca trail. i think it would be awesome if i could join them. i dont know about this job though. it will probably be another month and a half till harvest is over. i really want to get to Peru to see Lilian who is in the peace core. i don´t know if i can do all this. Because I want to get to spain in September to meet up with George, and Jen. ARrrgghh. there is so much I don´t want to miss out on. I want to try and buy some stuff too. I don´t just want to bring back some duty-free liquor and toblerone.

Last night was fun. Even though I was super tired from working 12 hours, my roommates took me out to a pub. I had pisco for the first time. it´s a chilean specialty. Not that great either. Kinda a mix between tequila and rum. but it´s neither. so you´re given a tall glass of the stuff, with an ice cube and lemon slice and a coke on the side. you basically mix your own drink. i like this custom because i like my drinks strong. then some men came over and bought us two bottles of wine. both were not very good. They had turned bad in the bottle. Casa LaPostolle cab and a malbec. we came home around 3 and i woke up with a little headache. So i had fun. i get really excited to leave the house now. Even just to go to the supermarket (El Super).

I have to tell you about Juan. He´s a really nice guy that works here with his two sons. I think one is my age and the other is about 16. But he always helps me out if I need it. And he trys to talk to me slowly. His 16yr old son, Juan Jr. and I are in a water fight. On monday, I will get my revenge. Mario, Carlos, Leo, Roderigo... actually most of the guys I work with are really nice. They speak slowly and are encouraging when I try and speak Spanish. I just wish I knew it already. When I get home from work, I´m usually too tired to open my grammer book. They call me gringa down here. Even though I´m only half gringa. Anyone from usa is gringo. They all want to know if all the women in the usa are as tall as me. I say I´m about medium. In the pictures there is one of my roommates cooking. the counters and stove actually come up to mid-thigh for me. So you get some perspective.

There is so much more I want to write. I´m finally able to sneak into Nancy´s office and use her internet for free. But it´s mostly on weekends. We recieved the worst grapes this week. Cabernet from Santa Cruz, but they were mostly rot and unevenly ripened. I don´t think the sulfer will have much effect on this batch. my harvest farmer tan is comming along nicely. here, being pale skinned is pretty. my pale skin comes from the fack that it was winter in the usa before i left. ive noticed that the fairer skinned people hold the higher ranking jobs and women are always given desk jobs or other less intensive things. This is something I will never get used to.

I think this job, moving to Chile, and my personal circumstances add up to the hardest thing i´ve ever done. somedays i dont think i´ll make it. i hope i do.

So I think I actually need help this time. This hasn´t just effected me, but traumatized me, and it haunts me everyday. Maybe in order to get through this I need to tell you everything. Keeping this from you all and trying to work it out on my own isn´t working. But I know it will change everything for the worse. Maybe after you´ve moved away from there, that way it will be in the past for you too. I don´t know. I just want to feel better. Maybe this journal thing will help. I don´t know. I don´t know anything anymore. When you think everything was truth and it all ends up being lies and is thrown in your face, it fucks you world over. You don´t look at things the same way. I´ve lost confidence in mostly everything and I don´t see that light that´s supposed to be there. They´ve seemed to move on with no problem, so why can´t I? It´s not a good idea for me to ask why anymore, because I can´t comprehend it. Maybe the first step is not asking anymore questions and just accepting everything. But how can you accept something like this? Well, I guess I´m still alive right? It´s a day-by-day thing. How did I let myself become so vulnerable? This just isn´t something you can sleep through. Even though I wish I could...just on the bad days. Please?

Yesterday was one of the my better days. My roommate took me to Machigue where the other Montes vineyards are. There´s a plantation-like house overlooking a small lake and rolling hills with vineyards and llamas. We sat in the sun and took a little nap. There´s an airplane runway there too. Perfect place for my parents to retire. It was a windy 50min. drive up there and we went through a few small towns. I had the Y Tu Mama Tambien soundtrack stuck in my head. I think I´m starting to like this place.

Last night I took a taxi to Omar´s Pub and watched his band play. I was by myself so I didn´t talk to anyone there, but it was nice to see live music again. I surprised myself by being able to catch a taxi there and back all by myself without my dictionary or anyone else with me. Had some cellular problems, but eventually got home around 3:30. I got to talk to Carina for a little bit too! I wanted to catch Byron, but he was in SF instead. My parents called too. They´re keeping the fam updated through my emails.

wine note: everything is de-stemmed and the grapes are individually sorted. then go though a gentle crusher that just breaks the skin. the conveyor belt is not so gentle.

Chile notes: Chileans seem to be all about Freddy vs. Jason and horror movies. They like to brag about La Ley. They eat a lot of sugar(fruits and cookies and always desert). I´ve been warned about the Chilean men, but I´m taller than most of them so I figure I can kick some ass if I need to. They also love classic rock. boo. Lenny Kravitz came to Argentina and it was a big deal over here. Also the Michael Jackson trial. Funny how I used to live 20 min. from the court house. The girls here have really cool jeans and sneakers. 10 years ago only 10% of the population knew houw to drive. Now 70% know how. They are impressed that I know how.

Whooo HOooooo! Internet! I feel spoiled! Two days in a row. So anyways, I thought it was interesting that they only use medium toast barrels here. and most of them have untoasted heads. Hmmmmm. I´ve been working in the cellar a lot. Does this give the wine softer tannins?? I dunno. This is interesting to me though. I´m snooping. teehee. im so tired right now. I´ve been turning barrels and cleaning bungs to prepare for harvest. turning them at a slight degreee will keep the wine for at least 2 months, so im told. so we wont have to worry about them throughout harvest. the guys were really impressed that i could turn a full barrel. ha ha! im almost as strong as them. im actually a little taller than most of them. and the women here are tiny! like 5´5´´ or less. i am ginormous. it will be hard if i need to buy clothes, since we are going into fall.
Ohhh Omar is really cool. he´s my new buddy down here. he knows who mars volta are, and he actually plays guitar left handed too. this is crazy cause some of my friends in the US have no idea who this band is. we have a lot in common. last saturday we sat by a creek by the hotel and just wasted the afternoon talking about everything with a bottle of wine. that was the most fun i have had while here. Santa Cruz is a small town like San Luis Obispo. You run into people you know, but it is large enough to not see them everyday, omar says. he wants me to help him out in his band because i was a dj. ummm i dunno about that. the winery here keeps me pretty occupied. ive even wanted to call him since saturday, but no time, too lazy, too tired. lame stuff like that.
So today is St. Patricks day! yay irish peoples. ummm no one here is irish. so i am going to bed early. i guess my spirits are going up. im still having trouble with the language, but it´s only been 1 week. so maybe i shouldnt be so hard on myself. i understand most of what people say to me, but the chileans speak very fast and have a lot of slang. such as, pololo is boyfriend. which i have told all the men that i have. i got the whole we are latin lovers schpeal from one of the workers today. um yeah right. im gonna be staying away from latin men. this guy said that it is common to have a polola, but another girl on the side. hmmmm. yeah, still not enticing me. thanks. i could go off on this topic, but lets save it for another time.
i wish my friends were here. i know i say that all the time, but i want them to go through this with me. i want to share chile with them. i want them to have these memories too. i guess im not used to being on my own. and trying to communicate in a whole other language at the same time. at least i recognize the homesickness. i want it to be over so i can start having fun and take advantage of everything. i can feel it starting to disapate. i don´t really cry anymore. which is good.
ohhh we have a nanny now too. its fucking awesome! she cleans, does laundry and cooks dinner. i am so spoiled! im still not eating fish skins. and i dont recomend you try canned asparagus.
I hope you are doing well, and things are working out. you are always in my thoughts. im getting stronger.
love always,
me

So I have an address I think:
Casilla 208
Santa Cruz
Sexta Region
Chile

maybe you should just send me a postcard or something so that i know it will get to me. the blue jeans and gum you can send later. just in case.

im liking work more. the guys seem to be warming up to me. i think they appreciate the fact that im trying to learn their language too. i dont know how long i can talk, so i´ll make this quick i guess.
still homesick, work is hard, i have a lot of mosquito bites because there is no screen on my window. i miss my friends a lot, dont have to work closely to my prick trainer guy. in think in these situations, what would foxy brown do? kick some mother-fuckin ass! so i guess that´s what´s going to happen.
so yea, things are a little better.
love,
me

so for the next few months i have to get used to this crazy chilean keyboard. i still haven{t figured out some stuff as you will see from my spelling mistakes. for now, i{m in santa cruz, but i{m living in apalta where the winery is. my house is bright blue and has a cute gated yard. i share it with two girls who also work at the winery full time. selena, 30yrs old and nancy 28 yrs old. you have to take a long dirt road out to the winery from santa cruz. so i got here, into town. but i don{t really know how to get back. hmmm. this will be an adventure.

im excited that i finally got to get online. we have a tv at our house, but it only works when it{s not raining. last night i saw the heidi fleiss movie. tv is different here. lots of boobies everywhere. i got a new cell phone number too. so if you want to call me 011 56 9 295 7668 there ya go. its more expensive to call the US than for the US to call me. so call me. ok.

its been really hard at the winery. it{s like they dont want me around at all. because im a woman and everything. im catching on to the language quickly. im starting to think in spanish. my roomates are really patient. ohh yesss, i eat fish now. its disgusting, but im learning to like it i guess. they already think im crazy because i dont drink milk. i dont want to move on to chicken or beef though. i couldnt even eat the skin on my salmon last night. ewwwww. ok, so im slowing moving into the culture. i guess i just have to face the fact that chile was just not ready for me. can you imagine if carina were here? we would tear this place apart like we did new york.

so im sitting in this internet store, waiting for omar to pick me up after his band practice. its really nice that he speaks english. he said that it took his friend only 1 month to speak spanish fluently. i hope i can do it in 3 weeks. life is slow here. no one rushs. it took me one hour to get into santa cruz today when its only 20 minutes away. you have to wait for the bus on the side of the road and wait for other people. at the winery, they hand make everything. different tools are sodered and specialized for whatever. we need these kind of people in CA.

For now, I am very homesick. i miss my friends and family a lot. i thought that moving to another country would help me with my problems in the US, but it hasn{t. it{s moved with me. so now i have to deal with those, being lonely, and the language thing. i wish things were different. but i can{t let go of what happened, and i can{t help my feelings. do you see my dilema? you can{t love someone who doesnt love you back, so how do i?

I had such a fun day. Priscilla surprised me and came up from SLO! We went all over the city and took pictures of murals and graffiti. I took her to Haight because she had never been. Went into Amoeba and Nedelle was playing. I can picture Carlos drooling. I realized I should never be let in that store unelss I’m prepared to spend at least 50 bucks. So I had to leave fast. I got to see parts of the city I never have. It was really beautiful. I’m really tired of walking. I tried to convince her to move up here and live with Carina and Felicia. I think it would be really good for her. I think that the three of them living together is trouble. But in a good way. Like ice cream + Natalie.
So tomorrow I pick up my brother from the Oakland airport and we have another SF day. There is a Chilean Cultural festival going on in Golden Gate park tomorrow, so we’ll probably be hanging out there eating empanadas or something. I’m really excited to see him. I feel really flattered that he wanted to come all this way, just to spend one day with me. I’m special. teehee
The more I think about it, the more the days seem to close in on me. I know I had been planing this for a long time, but I’m more scared now. Because I don’t know what it will be like. I don’t want to fail. I want to impress these people. Let them know they made a good decision by hiring a girl from the US to work for them. They took a big chance. I hope they like me. I think if things work out I want to travel after harvest. I’m scheduled to come back July 5th, but if I have enough money, I’d like to see the country. Especially Valparaiso. It’s supposed to be just like San Francisco, with lots of hills and cable cars. It’s a university town, so they have a good night life. I think it was the port town that they went to in Motorcycle Dairies. Pablo Neruda’s house is there, and it’s supposed to have the best view of the city. I definitely want to see that.
I’m going to miss you. But this isn’t forever right? Will you try and contact me? Call me or email me? Even if I can’t answer just yet... not yet. You can always write. I’m always remembering you. I don’t know if you do the same.

love,

me

Dear Natalie

Sorry for not answering earlier, but as I told you over the phone, I spent
some 6 days at the hospital with a bad case of pneumonia.

I shall have somebody pick you up at the airport at 09.43 on Wednesday march
9th. He/she will be carrying a sign saying MONTES or NATALIE. If for some
reason you miss each other, please call me on my mobile phone (as you
already did). From the airport you will be brought to our Santiago offices,
where I shall introduce you to our Santiago team. From here you shall be
driven to our Apalta winery, where you shall report to Mr. Andrés Caballero.

Andrés Caballero told me he had managed to find lodging for you right at the
winery site, joining two other girls that work with us on a permanent basis.
It is not a five star accommodation, but I hope you will find it acceptable.

Kind regards

Alfredo Vidaurre


So I’ll be getting my new cell phone number and address when I get down there. Yay free rent!
3 more days left on this continent.

Today was gorgeous. I’ve been hanging out in Berkley these past couple days. On monday I went to Oakland to see Paul Rusesabagina talk. He was the guy they based the Hotel Rwanda movie on. It was really interesting to hear him speak. I felt a little depressed afterward. There is genocide going on all over the world. I really am lucky and privileged where I’m at.
Last night I took my parents to my favorite pizza place. It’s in Petaluma. It takes a half hour for them to cook your pizza but it’s well worth it. It’s actually in this old brothel building made of bricks with what looks like the original carpet and everything. To get to the bathrooms you have to exit the restaurant and head down this hallway that has like 10 skinny doors where the ladies would "entertain" their men. Kinda spooky, but fun. I’m trying to get in as much good food as I can before I leave. 5 more days!
Today we ran around Berkley, went to the Sake factory and got a little tipsy, went to the Scharfenberger chocolate factory and drank some of their hot chocolate "crack." It was delicious. namumnunmmmmm. Sugar.
Tonight Kathryn is making me dinner. I hope it turns out ok. I’ve never seen her cook. In high school we’d always have to stop at McDonald’s before we went out. She’s a skinny petite woman too. Plus she’s making everything vegetarian. I’m a little worried.
Manana is Carlos’ birthday! yay! Last time we went out we found a really good bar in the mission with a kick ass jukebox. I’ve found some good bars that hopefully me and Carina will hit tomorrow and do some drunk dialing. I have yet to find her a good Irish bar. Maybe we will find it.
ttfn

I don’t know why, but I don’t sleep anymore.
Maybe it’s because of what happened.
Maybe it’s because I’m worried what will happen.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m depressed.
I feel like I need to get out of this situation. Fast.
I wish I didn’t have to go through this.
It’s all supposed to work out in the end right? A surprise ending?
Couldn’t we just skip some of the middle stuff?
I want to feel better again.

So right now I’m running off of 3 hours of sleep. My eyes are kinda puffy. But I’m off to see this winemaker guy and stay with my grandma for the weekend. Last night was really fun! The bands were awesome. But I don’t ever want to see a hairy French Canadian in short-shorts bend over EVER again. Other than that, I liked seeing old friends. Hanging out in the city till 4 was good too. So I’m tired, but it was worth hanging out with old friends for a just few hours more before I go. I love the city at night. I love how there is a whole other group of people who are up. OK, mostly bums, but other people too. Like me. Reminds me of going down to LA last summer to visit my boys. I would hang out with Alex during the day, and Rodo and Byron at night. Trips to the taco stand at 3 in the morning after Alex got off work. By the time we would get back, the paper would arrive, and we could start the day’s crossword. I’m going to miss having nothing to do but hang out. Ahhh... time to start my life as an adult. I hope I’ll find some people in Chile I can connect with. I think it will be very lonely at first. I hope you call...

I got to see Comets on Fire last night, they were pretty good. I liked the cute boy in front of me better ;). Tonight it’s Les George Leningrad and Flying Luttenbachers. I’ve got so much to do today. Gotta bake my cookies for tomorrow, call my travel agent guy, call Adam, email the new job, and get to SF by 5. This week has been really fun so far. Seeing shows in the city with my guys, ordering my new international cell phone, buying little things I’ll need before I leave. I’m starting to get a little excited. I hope I get to live at the winery for free.... so much to think about....
So it seems that my brother has broken up with his girlfriend for the final time. I don’t blame him. If you’re in love with someone, why would you cheat on them? It’s just not possible. Unfortunately, it seems like a lot of people think differently... hmmmmm. I know it’s gonna be hard for him. He really liked this one. But it’s better than being paranoid and jealous all the time. She doesn’t deserve him. Some day he’ll see that. She wasn’t very funny anyway. So I feel bad for him. Within the same week he has to find a new place to live, because they were living together, and his car got totaled. Now he has to go to a chiropractor. I don’t think I could handle all that. He’s incredibly strong.
Anyway, I’m thinking chocolate, with white chocolate chips and macadamia nuts. I gotta get to the store, and feed my typhoid.

So I got my plane tickets in the mail today! Yay! My cold is getting better, but I went to the doctor today to get all my shots. I got a tetanus shot in my left arm and hepatitis A in my right. My right arm hurts the most. :( They also gave me typhoid pills. i have to eat exactly one hour after the typhoid pill. So earlier today, my typhoid was craving a sandwich. Right now it’s craving chocolate. I’m going to drag this on as long a I can get away with it. Its weird to think I have a live virus inside me. EEEK. Within 2 weeks I should be immune to Typhoid. umm if I ever needed to be. Yeah. I get to see Mission of Burma and Erase Errata at Bimbo’s tonight! It’s gonna be really fun. Maybe I should start giving out applications for my harem.... I do look super hot right now...
Right now I’m just preoccupied with what I need to get done before I leave. All the people I have to see before I go. I’m actually glad I won’t get to see everyone. It was hard enough when I left from college. I cry really easily now. I think I’ll blame that on boys and hormones. But I know they know I’ll miss them. March 8th is comming up soon. I’m gonna go down to see the winemaker who set me up with this contact who got me the job in Chile. Gonna bake him cookies or something to say thanks. Is that lame or childish? I don’t know what kind of person he is, or how he’ll take this gesture. I think it’s kinda dorky and unconventional. Just my style. I’m 23 and I bake cookies. That’s what I’ll say at my first Dorks Anonymous meeting.
Welcome Natalie.
Thanks. It’s good to be here.

Love,
Me

I can’t breathe out of my nose.
Hopefully this will clear up soon.
I’m drinking a lot of OJ.
Noise Pop festival this week! Weeee.
noisepop.com

Name: Natalie Alejandrina Dale
-B-date: 8/21/1981
-Height: 5?9?
-Shoe size: 10
-Right or lefty: righty
-Innie or outtie: innie
-Eye color: green
-Nationality: Mexican, Canadian, Welsh, Scottish
-Hair color: Brown with red streaks
-Parents names: Maggi and Bill
-Do you live with both of them?: for now
-Do you consider yourself a stylish person?: only when I wanna be
-Screen name(s): ndtalia
-Are you straight, bi, gay?: straight
-Are you secretly interested in someone on your friends’ list? Maybe? wouldn?t YOU like to know?!
What’s on your computer desk? Printer, phone, lamp, pens, glass of water, post-its
-What do your sheets look like? My Lady of Guadalupe Mexican blanket I got at the San Jose Flea market
-Name something you’ve done in the last 24 hrs no matter how big or small: I?m teaching myself Spanish
How long does it take you to get ready to go out?: 10 min max
-How many drinks before you’re tipsy?: about 4
-Describe yourself while drunk?: dance machine
-Which movie can you watch and say the lines along with the actors?: So I married an Axe Murderer
-Do you ever go to sleep with songs on ’repeat’?: no, that?s kinda weird
-Are you a vegetarian?: going on 7 years
-What size is your computer screen?: 15 inch-ish?
-Name one person your life is made better by: That?s hard, I surround myself with so many great people
-Name something that people say you do really well: listen
-Pick up the closest book and write a random sentence from it: ?Mientras, ojala que encuentro pronto un huicio, tengo que mear como el demonio.?
-Do the same with a lyric from either a CD or the radio- ?What is love? Baby don?t hurt me.? (I did not buy this CD, I swear, but it?s good when I?m in a goofy mood)
-Do the same with something from TV: ?No, thanks mister, I?m here with a lady.?
-Have you ever tried to analyze your own dreams?: yes
-Have you or would you ever do anything more than kiss in a public area?: I haven?t, but I?m up for anything? bring it.
-Are you a fast typer?: I guess so, but I have this dyslexia thing taht makes me srcew up a dot.
-Do people pick up your slang language more than you pick up theirs?: not really
-Name your worst quality: I get jealous sometimes
-Have you ever intentionally set a clock ahead or behind the actual time?: yes, So I could have cuddle time. Teehee.
-What’s your favorite cereal?: kashi
-What was the last compliment someone payed you?: you are beautiful
-What’s in your wallet/purse?: chap stick, cell phone, camera, wallet, check book
-What is your daily before-going-to-bed ritual?: brush my teeth
-What is the one thing you will never understand about the opposite sex?: Why they don?t think what they do hurts people.
-What’s your typical sleep wear?: pj pants and t-shirt
-Kissed someone of the same sex?: yeah, but it wasn?t fo reals. The girls I?ve kissed are pretty hot, but they really don?t do anything for me.
-Something you love and hate?: boys
-What do you order at a bar?: vodka tonic
-Do you have problems changing clothes in front of friends?: no, what the fuck do they care?
-What kind of first impression do you think you give to people?: shy
-One thing you like to do alone?: I could think of something really dirty, but instead I?ll take, shopping for 1,000 please.
-Last person who called you?: Kathryn
-Last person that saw you cry?: Carina
-Last person you shared a drink with?: Kathryn
-Weirdest person you know: Thomas
-Funniest person you know: Carina
-Loudest person you know: Lillian
-Quietest person you know: Kat
-Sweetest person you know: Priscilla
-Sexiest person you know: male or female? Maria
-Sneakiest person you know: Maria
-Last person who sent you an e-mail?: Carlos
-Last noise you heard: rain drops outside
-Who can you tell most of your secrets to?: I don?t really have secrets, I don?t hide anything from my friends, that?s the only way you can have lasting relationships
-If you could eliminate any words from our vocabulary, what would they be?: I don?t like any derogatory names, I don?t even want type them. Let?s move on.
-Favorite actress?: Natalie Wood
-Do your parents like the music you listen to?: some of it
-Whats the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?: Lengua soup (cow tongue)
-Is your room clean?: no, I have all my crap from college still in it.
-What do you have on the walls of your room?: posters and stuff from high school like my pom poms
-Do you like cold, warm or hot showers?: bring on the hotness baby!
-What kind of razor do your use?: how the hell do I know? It just works
-What color is your tooth brush?: ummm orange, but the bristles and white. I swear.
-Favorite alcoholic drink?: dirty vodka martinis
-Least favorite alcoholic drink?: anything with rum, I start to gag, and then I have to slap a bitch.
-Most embarrassing thing you’ve done while drunk?: kissed someone I wasn?t supposed to. Oops.
-Who is your favorite person to get drunk with?: Carina, Priscilla, Sally, Byron, Rodo (the alcoholics) we are all pretty damn entertaining!
-Have you ever bought anything on the internet?: dvds, books, and an ebay vinyl record from the UK
-Where are you ticklish?: I?m ticklish everywhere. Don?t tell anyone. I?ll have to kill you.
-If you could sleep with 5 celebs @ different times (or at the same time if that’s your thing) who would they be?: Johnny Depp, Cedric Bixler, The shirtless men of Telemundo (can that count as one?)
-What color underwear are you wearing right now?: black with white flowers
-What do you like on your pizza?: mushrooms and olives, or pineapple and jalapenos
-The most over-used phrase on aol/aim?: lol
-What’s on your mouse pad?: plain black, it?s my dad?s computer
-What time do you wake up in the morning?: around 8 ish
-What song do you wish you had written?: moondance
-Using only ONE word, describe yourself: lovesick
-Fave lipstick color: me no likey lipstick, I?d go with a clear gloss
-Are you currently in a relationship?: are you kidding me?
-Fave pair of jeans: levis
-Fave candy: chocolate brittle, and candy necklaces
-If you died tomorrow, who would you leave everything to?: my parents, at least they could sell it and get something
What is your dream career?: rockstar, or movie critic, globe trotter (not the harlem kind)
-Britney or christina?: Christina, at least she can sing a little
-What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?: take my vitamins (im already an old lady)
-What’s the first thing you do when you get home from work/school?: go pee
-Describe your bedroom: I painted it light blue when I was in high school. I painted clouds on the celing, pom poms and high school corsages on the wall, twin bed, large dresser, big book shelf, all my stuff from college still in boxes that take up most of the room.
-The most embarrassing cd in your collection: night at the Roxbury soundtrack
-Last movie you saw?: hotel Rwanda
-Last phone number you called?: latin America for less travel
-Last thing you had to drink?: green tea
-Last thing you ate: chocolate
-Last time you showered: this morning
-Last person you kissed: alejandro
-Last thing you said: ok, mom.
-Last person you talked to online: luna
-What do you most like about your body?: my legs
-What do you dislike about your body?: my arms
-Favorite SONG Quote: that?s crazy! I have a bagillion songs that I love to death! You can?t ask a DJ that question! I could short circuit.
-Do you prefer blondes or brunettes?: brunettes
-What is the first thing you notice about someone?: smile and eyes
-Do you sleep with stuffed animals?: no, but I do have a monsters inc. doll that I throw on there every now and then (lil? Mikey)
-How many pillows are on your bed?: two
-You ever have that "falling" dream?: yeah, I have really weird dreams.
-Do you use chapstick?: all the time
-Allergies: only in the spring time
-A country you’d like to explore: china, africa
-The music you prefer while alone: depends on my mood, but I usually turn it up
-Your cologne or perfume: I guess perfume, cause cologne is for guys, I don?t usually wear perfume, cause it makes me sneeze.
-You don’t have a lot of: money
-What feature do you find the most attractive on others? honesty
Which messenger services do you use?: aim
What is your favorite fruit?: green apples
Do you like sunrises or sunsets the most?: sunsets
How many pairs of shoes do have in your closet?: I dunno, 10? Since I?m a girl I should have more right? Is that what your getting at? Huh? HUH?
Do you sleep more on your back, front, or sides?: sides
If you were stuck on an island, who would you wanna be stuck with: someone hot
Who do you go to for advice on the opposite sex (or sex that you’re attracted to)?: Kathryn or Carina
If you were a crayon what color would you be?: magenta
Fave gum: mint? The kind that?s chewy? I don?t use gum
Who gives you butterflies?: ok, I don?t like to give away everything! If you really want to know, send me an email
Who are the last two boys/girls you’ve kissed?: Son of a Bitch! Ok, alex and maria. there.
What color pants are you wearing right now?: blue jeans
What are the last four digits of your phone number?: 2020
What is your favorite type of food?: Mexican is my soul food
Where do you want to go on your honeymoon?: bora bora, or maybe africa
Favorite magazine?: colors
Are you too shy to ask someone out?: yes, I used to be scared of people.
Hugs or kisses?: I?ll take two please?. of each? thank you.
Do you have anything pierced?: just my ears
What was your favorite toy as a child?: my blankey
Do you trust others easily?: not so much anymore. I?ve been fucked over a lot.
How do you release anger?: I go running, yell at people with my windows rolled up.
If you were another person, would you be friends with yourself?: Hell yes! I?m one bad-ass mamacita!
Were you named after anyone?: Natalie Wood. My mom wanted me to be an actress so she gave me a stage name or something. The acting thing hasn?t worked out, because I?m not slutty enough and I can?t sing.
Do you snore?: no
Do you own a webcam?: I used to, but I just used it to take pictures and tweek them, now I have a digital camera, so there?s less of a chance I?ll have a stalker. Thanks friendster!
Have you ever ran away from home?: no, but friends have come to my house to run away.
When was the last time you laughed really hard?: yesterday. Carina makes my stomach hurt
What’s under your bed?: cds, shoes
Favorite piece of jewelry?: dangly earrings
Do you keep your underwear and socks in the same drawer?: no, what if they get in a fight?
What are you addicted to?: the internet
What is your biggest pet peeve?: people who say they are going to do something and they don?t do it. Which is pretty much lying.
What is your dream car?: a hybrid convertible. Do they make those yet? I?d like to take it off sweet jumps.
What is your favorite cartoon of all time?: Garfield and Friends
Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?: no, but I came close. My throat closed up once and they were gonna have to cut open my throat and put a tube down it. Instead I went to a local doctor and he gave me this liquidy stuff to drink and my throat opened up. Don?t you think these high-tech ambulance people would have wanted to do that before cutting me open???????
Can you pick stuff up with your toes?: yes, they are very talented. They?re going on tour.
If you could invite any movie star to your home for dinner, who would it be?: john cusack
What’s on your nightstand table?: pills, and a red rose
Describe your bed: its my brother?s old bed, twin size, brown wood head-board, blue sheets
What do you carry with you at all times?: my ID, little things I can keep in my wallet: a shamrock, and fortunes from fortune cookies
Are you happy with your given name?: yeah, its ok. I don?t know many natalies so yeah, its good.
What is the best quality of a friend: they are able to make me laugh, listen and cry with me.
Favorite thing in your bedroom?: my closet has about 100 wine bottles in it.
Ever walked in on your parents having sex?: EWWWW! And lived? NEVER
Do you like ketchup on or beside your fries?: beside, but I really like malt vinegar and salt. It?s a English thing?. So I?m told
Have you ever done any drugs: surprisingly no. but I?ve had about a million chances to. Just never really cared to.
Have any pets?: not anymore. my cat and dog died a few years ago. Now we just have a gold fish named Fitty Fitty.
Do you have a job?: YEAH! I?ll be starting in a few weeks!
What do you do?: I will help make wine in Chile
Do you have any tattoos?: no, never really wanted one.
What couldn’t you live without?: my friends. They got my back.
Do you have a bad temper?: no. those genetics went to my brother. Thank God!
What makes you really really angry?: Lyers, not calling when you say you?re going to, my mother, laziness
What would truly surprise people about you if they found out?: I have a slightly dark colored birthmark just above my right butt cheek in the shape of South America.
What is the greatest piece of advice you’ve ever heard?: you are beautiful, don?t let anyone else tell you otherwise. Thanks Felicia :/
Worst advice you’ve ever heard?: Let?s take another shot, you pansies!
Who is the last person who asked for your phone number?: This guy in Chile who?s helping me find housing
Who is the hottest girl/guy at your school/work? I?ll let you know when I get to Chile
How do you eat an oreo?: twist it apart and eat the insides first
Club or houseparty?: house party. That way I know all my cool friends are gonna be there
What are your bad habits? Biting my nails, over analyzing
Current CD in player: Can
Where did your parents make the biggest mistake in raising you?: I think I turned out just fine.
Drinks or shots?: Can?t we do both? How much money you got?
Ever had a threesome?: no. I?ve never met anyone I?d want to do that with. So for now, NO. What if I catch something. that?s just gross.
Which school picture did you bury in your bottom drawer?: junior year
Goodwill or gap: goodwill, they always have something unique
Do you have any weird preferences/habits?: not really. I think that?s why I get along with people. We can do whatever, im flexible.
How much money do you currently have in your wallet?: a two dollar bill, that my mom thinks I will be able to use in an emergency. I don?t know what two dollars will buy me in an emergency. Someone explain this.
A book you had to read for school and hated: either I?ve liked them all, or nothing really scared me for life because I cant think of a bad one.

Today my mom woke me up at 8. Told me to call the doctor about getting some antibiotics for my trip, cause you never know if you get sick. She has actually asked me to do this 4 times since yesterday. SO, I was a little annoyed that she woke me up to tell me this. Because apparently she thinks I’m deaf. She then came back to my room 5 minutes later to ask me to get a tetanus shot, because you need one. Except I don’t need one cause I was required to take one in order to go to college and you only need one every 20 years or so. She came back a few minutes later, and told me that her 1960 travel book says that you need a small pox shot to enter Chile. And gave me a paper of the list of shots that I have taken. This list was last updated in 1983. I think I will explode.
So its taken Cal Poly almost 2 months to file my paper work so that I can finally get my diploma, and officially be edumacated. The secretary in the Crop Science office must hate me by now. I bug her pretty much twice a week. Last week she said all the paper work would be filed by Monday and to check in with her on Wednesday. Today is Thursday, and the papers will be sent out today, but only get to the evaluations office by Monday because the Cal Poly mail system is slower than the regular mail.
I feeel like breaking something. TWO FUCKING MONTHS
Ok, so some good news is that I might end up living at the winery for free with two other women who work there full time. I hope this works out. It would be nice to not be around so much testosterone all the time. And plus, I’ll actually be making a little money. Yay!

So, I finally bought my plane tickets today. I’m leaving March 8th and am supposedly coming back July 4th. I guess there’s no backing out now. I feel really lucky that I’m able to do this, and that what I learned in college is actually gonna apply here. I’m sad I’m leaving all my friends. I think this trip will go by quickly. I’ll be staying in the town of Santa Cruz http://www.santacruzchile.cl/ or you can view it in english by googling it. The town looks really cute. I talked to a contact down there today who’s gonna get me a room to rent. He seems nice, his name is Omar. All I can think of now is Mars Volta shaken’ their money makers and Omar’s afro. I’ve really got to work on my Spanish now. I hope I get to travel around a little while I’m down there.
I’m working on an international cell phone. So all you bitches can call me when I’m lonely. Cause all I’ll have to keep me company is my ipod. This is kinda crazy. I’m going to a whole other country on my own and I’m gonna work and live there. ON MY OWN. I think this is starting to sink in. I really don’t think I’ll have too difficult of a time adjusting. I’m usually really good at that, if someone gives me a head start. I adjusted to college pretty well. It might have been because the summer before I was living and working with my parents. I was pretty ready to get the hell out of there. I’m starting to feel those same itches. It’s easy for me to just roll with things. I think that’s one of the reasons why I used to really love surfing. Because you’re not the one in control. You have to flow with whatever comes your way. And it’s so much fun! I know it’s dorky, but my sign is leo, and you know how cats always land on their feet? That’s always how its always been with me. Things always end up ok. Even though I like to put my life in danger like skydive and shit.
I’ve been thinking about the future a little. I hope I get a kick ass job that I like and pays me enough to do what I want. I want to take up the piano again. Cause I quit right when I was getting good. I want to be completely independent. Meet someone who likes me. Buy a convertible. I miss having a cat too. These are all kinda random things, but my mind likes to go in different directions sometimes. Deal.

If only you would just sweep me off my feet
and prove everyone wrong
I’d be yours
I have a feeling that’s not going to happen
I’m already forgotten