I just joined facebook...it hella makes you look like a loner when you first join. And I quote:
Friends at UC Davis
Kelsey has no friends at UC Davis.

ouch hehehe

the Prankster (43% dark, 39% spontaneous, 27% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | COMPLEX | LIGHT Your humor has an intellectual, even conceptual slant to it. You’re not pretentious, but neither are you into what some would call ’low humor’. You’d laugh at a good dirty joke, but you definitely prefer something clever to something moist. You probably like well-thought-out pranks and/or spoofs and it’s highly likely you’ve tried one of these things yourself. In a lot of ways, yours is the most entertaining type of humor. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Conan O’Brian - Ashton Kutcher

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 41% on dark You scored higher than 14% on spontaneous You scored higher than 31% on vulgar

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

Days til...
finals-10 :-(
moving home-16 :-)
getting wisdom teeth pulled-17 :-(
on call for jury duty-20 :-(
Scott and Becky’s wedding-25 :-)
recital-26 :-)
Brother’s B-day-32 :-)
HP midnight party-46 :-)
release of Dane Cook CDx2 & DVD-56 :-)
Wicked-72 :-)

Staying up til four am to finish an essay about the social reprocusions of the character Mango...they never let me write about this stuff in high school.

Happy Graduation Lauren!!!

From a random turn of events I got to go to Sacramento tonight and see Finesse Mitchell do stand-up. He did a really good set too, and yes, he did some Starkisha, along with a dry cereal joke that was really funny, but that I don’t care to repeat online, maybe if you ask me in person. Anywoo, this is basically me bragging, and I know most of you are like "Wha? Who? Stakishawhatsitwhoosy?" so I’ll just put up the pic and leave it at that.

While getting ready for school one morning, I was listening to the radio and the DJs were doing an interesting poll. They would pick two male celebrities and had people call in saying who they thought was hotter. It was being done championship style where there winner of one poll went on too compete against the winner of another. Now it was getting to about the last three legs of this poll and it was Johnny Depp vs. Will Smith, and I’m listening to this thinking, Will Smith is cute and funny and all, but Johnny would be the slam dunk winner. Imagine my surprise when results were turning out as 50-50. I couldn’t believe it!!! How is Will Smith even getting votes when Johnny is involved?!?! My roommate was just as appalled as I was, so we began polling our friends. My roommate’s friends, well now ex-friends, pulled Will Smith into the lead, but then my sane friends gave Johnny a more appropriate lead.
Johnny
24
Will
19
Personally, I’m still saddened by the fact that Will has more than, say, two votes, but apparently Will has "the whole package". Whole package my butt, I asked who is SEXIER. I mean come on!!! Look at him!!!

*drool*
Here’s my favorite answer my friend gave when I polled him:
CaptainNamo: what? I refuse to put will smith and johnny depp in the same category for competition. They aren’t in the same hot-weight factor. Johnny Depp by a landslide.
(fine, just to be fair, here’s an opinion from the loosing people)
*Bob: depp’s beautiful, but that’s pretty much it...smith gives you the laughs, the cool, and the serious (*sn has been changed to protect the innocent...and I would like to point out a guy said that)
And honorable mention:
Me: Who is sexier Will Smith or Johnny Depp?
DM: chris kattan

(fine print) poll was ended when I felt it was over and so what if I polled my friends that I know are huge Johnny Depp fans

Mitch Hedberg, a very funny stand-up comedian died march 30th. Here are some of my favorite one-liners...

If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptible...

Every time I go and shave, I assume there is somebody else on the planet shaving as well, so I say, "I’m gonna go shave too."

My apartment is infested with koala bears. It’s the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter, but I don’t want them too. I’m like, "Hey... Hold on fellows... Let me hold one of you, and feed you a leaf." Koala bears are so cute, why do they have to be so far away from me. We need to ship a few over, so I can hold one, and pat it on its head.

I wish I could play little league now. I’d be way better than before.

I like buying snacks from a vending machine because food is better when it falls. Sometimes at the grocery, I’ll drop a candy bar so that it will achieve its maximum flavor potential.

On a traffic light green means go, and yellow means yield... but on a banana, it’s just the opposite,... green means hold on, yellow means go ahead... and red means, where the f*** did you get that banana at?

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so, Yeah."

I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide."

This shirt is dry clean only. Which means...it’s dirty.

You know they call corn on the cob, corn on the cob but that’s how thats how it comes out of the ground, they should call that corn, they should call every other version corn off the cob. It’s not like if you’d cut off my arm you would call my arm Mitch, but then reattach it and call it Mitch all together.

I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.

The Pope didn’t have any funny one-liners.

Happy Easter!

PS
The guy in green looks really funny at regular size, trust me

My st patty’s day away message and my favorite response so far....

Auto response from Me: Some people struggle all their life to be perfect- Some are just born Irish. Happy St. Patrick’s Day!!

CaptainNamo: what?!
CaptainNamo: forget that!
CaptainNamo: it’s st. patrick’s day!
CaptainNamo: EVERYONE’S IRISH!
CaptainNamo: SOMEONE GIVE ME A GUINESS!!!

Quotes I’m FINALLY taking off my AIM profile, enjoy!

"Linda Tripp should light incense to John Goodman, because she never looked that good." - Henry Winkler

"Nature, nurture, and nutter." -Robin Williams on what it takes for someone to be funny

"I think therefore we have nothing in common." -my ballet teacher

Just for shock value, I wish he had said this to a student, however, he didn’t. He just said "I heard this funny saying yesterday". Oh well.

Ok, I never did a birthday entry, but it was awesome. But hey! Here’s one of my presents. Greg gave me tickets to go see him in the Rocky Horror Show.

Here’s me dressed up as Columbia.

And here’s Elio and I all ready to go. His make-up supplied by yours truely.

Very good show, I had alot of fun. We even got picked to dance with the cast! Woo hoo! Anywoo I’m gonna see it again on sunday, with my parents. It is now my goal to get them dressed up. Muahahahahaha!

I’ve been 19 for a whole hour and six minutes, and my wonderful suitemates couldn’t possibly let me sleep through this momentous event so they were talking about they wonderful, as far as I know fake (but I’ll let you know when I do a real birthday update) present, a stripper. And joking around about how apparently I should get to umm..."use" this present 19 times. The quote of the day goes to Rylie. Enjoy!

"But the stripper only has one."
"Yeah, but it’s reusable!"

...maybe you had to be there ;-)

Me: have an essay due...yesterday
Brian: You’re going to have to start running if you’re going to hit eighty-eight miles per hour.

Yay for older brothers! :-D

Some answers already used:
~a web slinger
~a cheez-it
~a lingerie mannequin

When you move out and live on your own, you’re bound to find out that something is completely different than how you previously thought. This realization came to me today. I found out how much a book of stamps cost. It costs WAY too freakin’ much. I am never sending letters to you people again.

P.S. Happy Birthday Jessica!! :-)

You know you’re the 90’s kid if... (put a star next to the ones that apply to you)

*1. You’ve ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"

*2. You played with Pound Puppies

*3. You can sing the rap to "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air"

*4. You wore biker shorts under your skirts and felt stylish

5. You yearned to be part of the Baby-Sitters Club

6. You owned those little Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls

*7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey from "Blossom" and that "How Rude!" comes from Stephanie from "Full House"

*8. You’ve ever watched "Fraggle Rock"

*9. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars

*10. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales"

*11. You remember when it was worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons

12. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head

*13. You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school

*14. You played the game "MASH"

15. You wore a Jordache Jean Jacket and were proud of it

16. L.A. Gear...

17. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in kindergarten

18. You remember reading "Tales of the Fourth Grade Nothing" and all the Ramona books

*19. You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, wax off"

20. You wanted to be a goonie

*21. You’ve ever worn fluorescent clothing

*22. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off

*23. You have pondered why smurfette was the only female smurf

*24. You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school

*25. You remember the craze then the banning of slap bracelets

*26. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence...

*27. You remember hyper-color t-shirts

28. Barbie and the rockers was your favorite band

29. You thought Sheera and He-Ra should hook up

30. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged friendship bracelets

*31. You owned a pair of jelly sandals

*32. After you saw "Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure" you kept saying "I know you are but what am I?"

*33. You remember "I’ve fallen and I can’t get up"

*34. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates

*35. You’ve ever gotten injured on a Slip n’ Slide

36. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds

*37. You’ve gone through this occasionally saying "awesome"

*38. You remember Popples

*39. "Don’t worry, be happy"

*40. You wore socks over tights

*41. You wore socks scrunched down

*42. Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack, all dressed in black, black, black, with silver buttons, buttons, buttons, all down her back, back, back"

*43. You remember boom boxes vs. cd players

44. You remember watching the "Gremlins" movies

*45. You knew what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare"

*46. You remember watching "Rainbow Brite" and "My little Ponies"

47. You thought Doggie Houser was hot

*48. You remember Alf, the little brown alien from Melmac

*49. You remember New Kid on the Block when they were cool

*50. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By the Bell"

51. You know all the words to Bon Jovi

*52. You played and or collected "Pogs"

*53. You used to pretend you could transform into a Power Ranger. It’s morphin time!!

*54. You had at least one Tamagochi, Furby, or Gigapet and brought it everywhere

*55. You were obsessed with your "Easy Bake Oven" and your "Lite-Brite"

*56. You wore leggings and put the little strap over your shoes

*57. You remember when mullets were cool

*58. Two words: M.C. Hammer.

Ok, so vacation and ended and the new quarter started but instead of giving you boring details I’m gonna give you funny quotes, yay! Here goes...

(While Karen and I are watching Mean Girls)
Dad: So that’s like a documentary of your lives right? You girls were the plastics at your HS?
US: Haha, no
Me: The only thing plastic about me in HS was my lunch box.

Dad: Cocaine is child’s play compared to heroine.

Me (on the phone): Sorry, Janette (pronounced Janet) walked in to my room.
DM: Janet!
Me: yes, Janet Jackson just walked into my room
DM: OOoOo! Ask her to show you her boob!

And if that doesn’t sum up my vacation and school, I don’t know what will.