this is one of my favorite stories about klaus kinski ever.

Jack Lemmon once said that he was in line at Ace Hardware in Beverly Hills, and the sales clerk kept looking past him. "I may not be the biggest star in the world" he said, "but, jeez, usually when I stand in line, the clerk will notice me. I turned around, and there was Klaus Kinski with an ax."

so last nite my dad had some dental work done and they gave him vicodin and when he took it he reacted badly and went into a seizure. so my mom called 911 and they rushed him to the hospital and got him all stabilized and stuff. so they gave him some CAT scans and everything checked out fine but they want him to come back in a week to make sure nothing major happened. so hopefully everything is fine.

  RECORDING IN KING CITY!!!!!

 

  there is sexy cam slinking his sexy ass out to record some sexy vocal tracks.

  there is warren reading a book with a giant drum on his lap.  why you ask?  because he is warren.

  the 2 motherfucking p.i.m.p.s kicking back after we finished all out shit.

  this is warren and i trying to decide whether or not i could do a headstand on my drum stool, eventually e decided i couldnt and saved us a trip to the emergency room.

  there is dj, the tricked out fool behind such bands as The Bi-Polar Bears, Body Massage, and yes even A Prankster and A Gangster.  this kid knows his shit, so listen up when my man speaks.  his hair does look kinda silly though, doesnt it.

  time for food. now i didnt put this pic in to show you glenn and warren stuffing their respective mouths, i put it in because in the background there is an awesome dood with an awesome mullet and you cant see it in the pic but he has an awesome hole in is awesome crotch and when he walked around we almost saw his awesome balls.  awesome.

  warren and i had a fight with the bouncy balls in safeway.

  we both won and that little girl and her mom lost.  yay us!

  then i went on a helicopter ride.  there were two buttons in it and it made authentic helicopter sounds. 

  SHALOM TOWN BIATCHES!!!!  for those of you who read my last story, this is the store i talked about.  basically the only clothing store in king city.  it has a jewish name and is run by a korean guy with the same last name as me.  and when i was younger i used to buy straight edge belt buckles and dickes pants there and he would always as if my dad was korean because i have a korean last name.

  back to recording!

after about 11 hours of playing the same songs over and over we slowly started drifting into dementia.

  it seems the only time im not anti dancing is when im in a grocery store or listening to playback.

then i made the 2 greatest discoveries ever.

  1.  THE ACCORDION!!!!  i would not have survived that weekend had i not found this.

  and 2.  A GIANT SANDWICH!  i attacked this sandwich like a badger mother protecting her cubs.

  on last accordion shot. look at the pure joy on my face.

  and finally the obligitory myspace photo.  this was when i was sleeping uner mr. grahams desk.

 

  today is my mommy’s birthday!!!!!!  im heading up to king city to wish her a happy birthday and record a quick 4 song demo with my band.  all of you send great birthday wishes to my mom right now.

WE FINALLY DID IT!!!! FULLY EDITED AND IT LOOKS AMAZING!!! we finished our silent film for the amazon.com film festival and fully edited it is 6:59 seconds which is a relief because the maximum it could be was 7 minutes. its a traditional black and white silent comedy and seriously, im not trying to brag, it looks unbelievable. if anyone wants a copy let me know and ill get you one as soon as i can. which us luck in the film festival and vote for us if you see our film on amazon.com.

mike park.

not very well written, but fun none the less.

Since I?ve moved from King City it has grown and become more corporate. Somehow a blockbuster video weaseled its way into our tiny mundane little community. I mean what have we come to? I remember going into JC Pennys every Friday to try to get my hands on one of the 2 copies of whatever new release they had gotten. Yeah, I said JC Penny?s. you see king city had no video rental stores for a long period of time. There was a tv repair store (Village TV) that had a collection of 300 of the finest horror/sci fi films that you have never heard of, and for good reason too. Then along came JC Penny?s. where do I start. Well, king city really has no clothing or department stores aside from Shalom Town, a gangster clothing store with a jewish name that has the finest selection of oversized Solo, Ben Davis, and Dickies pants this side of east LA. They can also custom fit you with an assortment of belt buckles displaying your favorite gang sign, alien head or my personal favorite a marijuana leaf with the slogan, ?get your own bag?. Now if you?re into the cholo look then Shalom Town is the place for you, for the rest of the people they either had to drive to Salinas 45 minutes away or use king city?s JC Penny mail order store. It wasn?t even a real store it was a building where you would come to pick up the clothes or other items that you ordered out of the JC Penny Catalog. Why anyone would need a place to come pick up the items they mail ordered from a catalog is beyond me. This place was completely empty except for a desk in the back and occasionally some boxes of items people ordered. After a while the owner decided to make use of his extra space and noticed he has a collection of movies taking up room in his house, so he decided to take them into his place of business and begin renting them out. Soon it caught on and he began getting new releases. He would get between 1 and 3 copies of the latest movie depending on how big the movie was (we got 5 copies of Titanic!). Finally in late 2000 JC Penny?s decided to jump on the digital bandwagon again (they were a little hesitant following their brief and unsuccessful voyage into the world of Laser Discs) and start up a dvd collection. Now this whole dvd concept was completely foreign to us king city bumpkins. I mean how could a flat circular device have a movie on it? And how can it be better quality than vhs? And how does it fit in my vcr? My family had just made the big transition from beta to vhs, and we sure as hell didn?t want to make another transition. But, we finally got lured in by JC Penny?s wonderful and vast library of titles. For the first 2 months that they rented dvds the only 3 movies they had were The Hurricane, Play it to the Bone, and Dracula 2000. now don?t get me wrong, these are 3 of the greatest films of this or any other half of the century, but after renting Dracula 2000 for 23 straight days, I was ready for something new. Slowly but surely they gained a respectable small town dvd collection and had a top notch selection of various Cameron Diaz hits. It was also around this time that they expanded their video game rentals beyond that of Nintendo only games. Now I don?t mean Nintendo only products, i.e. Nintendo 64, super Nintendo, I mean the original 1986 Nintendo. This worked out great for me up till about 1992, when I got a game system that has more than 2 buttons on the controller. I love Nintendo, I still play Nintendo games today, but how many times can I rent Bad Dudes, The Double Dragon series, and Excitebike before I go insane? I currently live in Santa Maria. In addition to our 2 blockbuster videos, 2 Hollywood videos, public library video section, and various liquor stores with video rental sections, we also have a 10 screen movie theatre, a drive in movie theatre, a mini golf course with go karts etc., lots and lots of huge parks, a badass lazer tag arena, a couple skate parks, lots of nice coffee shops, and various other entertaining things to do. Why do I bring this up? Well, a little while ago Santa Maria had the highest teen pregnancy rate per capita. When asked why the teens said, ?there is nothing to do in this town.? In response to them I submit this paper and a challenge, I challenge them to live 18 years in king city and see how many children they can crank out. God bless America, god bless a free Iraq.

 

  ben and i had  2 day long easter celebration with various visitors on the way.  enjoy

 

EASTER SUNDAY MORNING

  we woke up and ben opened his easter package from his parents.

  then he talked on the phone.

  and talked on the phone.

 and talked on the phone.  ben talks on the phone a lot.

  then we sat down to watch the hip hop bible video i got at the 99 cent store.

  this is our reaction to it. 

then we each went to our respective work places.

EASTER SUNDAY NIGHT

  its easter sunday night and we did what any non christian with a piggy bank full of coins would do, PLAYED BLACKJACK!

  this is our blackjack table we bought from the thrift store.

  this is quite an embarassing situation, you see, i misunderstood the rules of the game and thought we had to take our pants off to play.  luckily ben set me straight before too long.

  this is steve dealing.

  and i collect the winnings.  i think we all basically broke even except for ben who lost a lot of money.

EASTER MONDAY AFTERNOON/NIGHT

you see ben and i are quite poor, so we decided to wait till monday to have an easter celebration/egg hunt.  you see, that way we could get eggs and candy for half price.  so here we go

  its easter monday and ben is so excited!

 very excited!

  this is us doing our holiday tradition of me standing on bens back while he eats peeps and looks like a creep.

  then we hid easter eggs.  instead of candy we decided to hide mystery objects for each other.

  this is ben finding an egg with a wrist band to match mine.  because we rock!

  then i found one with advertisements for gay pornography.  i wasnt as excited.

  this is one of the eggs ben found filled with a mystery liquid.

  then ben found one with nothing.

  then i found one with condoms!

  then ben found another one with nothing.

  then i found one with the cap to bens nasal spray!

  then we did our happy easter dance

  its a long dance.

  and that was our easter.  hope you enjoyed it as much as we did.

  i went to LBC with Kate to have band practice last nite.

 

  i was rocking my new soccer kicks.

  kate came and sat in the corner and stuck drumsticks down my pants as i played.

  i love how warren is pearing out from behind glenn in this pic.

  i was really tired.  look at my giant adams apple.

  warren looked drunk and angry.

  then he did drunk angry gymnastics.

  we were too loud for kate to make phone calls.

  the end.

steve, casey, ben, david, tom, and i have all been working hard on a short film that we hope to send to many many festivals.  these are some on set photos of the shoot so far.  its a nice little story, we have amazing footage so far, its a skeleton crew of some of the coolest people i know, i couldnt be happier.  the only downside is the amazing amounts of poison oak.

  this is casey showing a local rooster who’s boss.

 

  this is right above the creek we are filming at.

  this is a homemade dolly we have.  it works great and allows us to get amazing and smooth push in shots.

  this is one of the locations on the creek.  the movie begins and ends here. 

  most of those plants surrounding us is poison oak/ivy.

  this is us trying to wipe all remnants of poison oak off our bodys.

  this is tom taking a little sit down on set.

  this is us trying to plan out one of the more complicated shots.  i think it took about 1.5 hours to get this shot and we did about 11 takes or so.

  this is my favorite picture, but this scene got cut out of the film.

  and finally, this is a picture of me trying to jump over our reclining chair, but instead breaking it and getting my ankle trapped inside it for 5 minutes.

played a show in LA this weekend.  the show didnt go very well but that tuesday night was probably the best tuesday night ever.  thank you matt, karine, laina, blanca, brian, freddy, jessica, haichi, nat, and christina for being so fucking awesome. 

life is pretty damn good right now, i dont know how i could be much happier than this.

these are upcoming shows i will be playing in LA.  all of you that can should go to at least one so i can hang out with you. 

Mar 8 2005 9:00P
Lava Lounge Hollywood, CA

Mar 25 2005 10:00P
Murder Scene Los Angeles (Little Tokyo), CA

Apr 1 2005 8:00P
No Future Cafe Pasadena, CA

Apr 12 2005 9:00P
The Joint Los Angeles, CA

Apr 20 2005 9:00P
Zen Sushi Silverlake, CA

 

and maybe this will entice you to go.

 

introduction.

 mike park - drums.

 casey fera - guitar.

 ben begley - vocals.

recording.

vocals.

downtime.

dancing.

fin.

 

recording new music with body massage is fun.  its 5:30 a.m.  goodnight.

that picture i posted of me doing a handstand was actually taken the day before my birthday.  i bet casey that i could learn how to walk accross the room on my hands in 15 minutes.  i lost.  casey took pics to document my loss.  some of them are neat, some are homo erotic.  some are just superb. 

 

 

  casey tried to give me some friendly advice, but it looked weird so i said, "whats wrong with your arm?"  and he said, "im a robot!"  and we laughed.

  this is me starting out.  its difficult to get yourself straight up and down.

  i fell.

  here i go again.  doesnt it look like im hardcore dancing?

  i had success in small doses.  in this picture it almost looks like i have forearm muscles.  almost.

  look at that sexy milky white skin.

  this shot is for the ladies.  the most erotic picture ever.

  FAILURE!!!  this is probably the best picture ever taken.

the end.

  in case you havent listened to it yet, this william shatner album is actually really good.  i know i know, i feel weird saying that, but it really is awesome.  at least listen to it for his cover of Pulp’s "Common People".  its a little weird to get in to, because shatner doesnt really sing, he kinda talk-sings, but the music is super good and most of his lyrics are really great.

 

  its my birthday today and im so happy im doing handstands!!!!

  i got a new monitor, so the old one had to go.

 

  steve taught me how to lift the monitor over my head and smash it on the train tracks.

  right when i was about to smash it we realized how bad of an idea it was to smash it on the train tracks.  this is a really cool picture though. 

  this picture is funny because ben is scratching his balls.

  then we finally threw it!!!

  then ben went to town on it with a baseball bat.

  look at bens face!!!!  thats the face of ultimate intensity!!

  then some crazy dood with a rifle yelled at us and we, like the pussies we are, took off runing.  this picture was taken during the chaos.

 

the end. 

 

p.s.  tomorrow is my birthday!!!! 

 these are the three most embarrassing albums i have ever owned.

3. Candyman - Aint No Shame In My Game.   this album is the worst rap album i have ever heard.  this guy was a rip off of tone loc who is a rip off of decent rap music.  he had one hit, "Knocking Boots".  i was too young at the time to know what knocking boots meant and i just assumed it had something to do with dancing in a coutry bar.  i have since found out what it really means and am quite surprised my parents actually let me listen to this album. 

2.  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Coming Out Their Shells.  ok, get this, this wasnt the soundtrack to their movie or tv show or anything.  this was an entire album of new songs written in the style of the ninja turtles and sung by people pretending to be the ninja turtles.  after this album came out they toured the country in their terrible foam costumes singing such great hits as, "Pizza Power" and "April Ballad".  they played at the cow palace in SF and i cried for days when my parents refused to take me to it.  im still a bit bummed out about not going.

1.  Gerardo - Mo Ritmo.  this is possibly the worst album ever made.  this is the guy that had that terrible music video for the terrible song "Rico Suave".  i actually liked that song so much i went out and bought his album on tape.  it was the worst thing ever.  not just worst album, i mean worst thing.  worse than WWII, worse than Apartheid, worse than toni morrison novels, worse than pauley shore movies, worse than crystal pepsi, worse than beanie babies, worse than circumcision, seriously, this album is the worst thing ever.  i cant believe i actually admited to owning it.

 

i listed mine, now you list some of yours.

i grew up in king city california. it has a population of 10,000 and is nestled right in the salinas valley. the salinas valley, besides known for being dreadfully dull, is also famous for its agriculture. so basically king city sat in the middle of broccoli and lettuce fields. we had one movie theatre in that town until 2000 when a 3 screen theatre opened up. let me first tell you the tale of the original movie theatre. it was known as the reel joy and it was the biggest piece of shit movie theatre ever. this movie theatre was run by a man named Rene and his wife Jan. they were friends of my family and pepe would let me watch rated r movie without my parents. the first rated r movie i saw was Navy Seals staring Charlie Sheen. thanks again rene. anyway, this movie theatre was a dump. it was only open on friday and saturday with the potential of a matine on sunday depending on how many peoplewent the 2 previous days and whether or not there was a church function going on or something. also, since we lived in the midle of nowhere and had a shit theatre it took us forever to get movies. the reel joy would be showing a movie in the theatre the same week it was coming out on vhs. the whole place reaked of urine and the floor was so sticky that once it honestly did pull off my shoe. now movies are shipped in reels, usually divided up to about 20-30 minutes of film per reel. now days what they do is they tape all the reels together on a platter and the movie plays through seamlessly. this theatre didnt have that. they had 2 projectors side by side with 1 reel each. as the first reel was ending pepe would turn on the 2nd projector and it would begin playing the next reel and everything was kosher. well for a period of time in 1997 one of the projectors broke. rene, being the genius he is, decides not to repair said projector, using the logic, "i have 1 projector that works perfectly fine, we will just use that and take breaks between reels." this means that when i was watching titanic, a 3+hour movie with over 10 reel changes, i got a 5 minutes break from the film every 20 minutes. now we come to the best part about this movie theatre, the sound system. i swear to you this is real. the speakers blew out during a screening of Three Men and a Little lady and instead of replacing them with new speakers rene took the speakers out of his honda civic and wired them up in the reel joy. i kid you not, the speakers for the reel joy were car speakers. despite all these negative things about this theatre, it was like heaven to us king city kids. you have to understand that the king city had nothing. the next closest movie theatre was about an hour away. there was no music store in king city and the closest one was a sam goody’s that was also about an hour away. all we had was out crappy movie theatre. now we get into some of the incredible things about the reel joy. the first one being the balloon machine in the boys restroom, at least we thought they were balloons at that time. later we found out they were condoms and realized that we were sticking on our mouths what were were suppossed to be sticking on our penis’s. the next great thing was the soda. this is one of my most fond memories of the reel joy. i would go in there with my $1.75 and get me a large soda, but not just any soda, a large SUICIDE! for those of you who dont know what a suicide is, its when they mix all the sodas together to make one potantially fatal soda(or so the story goes). this was like the test of manhood. you would wait until the lobby was full of your classmates and then go up to Jo at the soda fountain and say in your loudest and most manly, yet still pre-pubecent, voice, "ILL TAKE A LARGE SUICIDE PLEASE!" the entire place would stop, a woman would scream, the entire lobby slowly turned to stare at the child ordering the death drink with their jaw dropped wondering how i would survive the endless syrup of the dreaded suicide. jan would clear her throat, her cigarette would fall from her open mouth as she would say in a nervous cracking voice, "are you sure you can handle it young man? how about just dr. pepper or orange slice?" to which i would reply, "i said suicide and hold the diet." her hand, shaking noticeably, would slowly move along all of the sodas, root beer, sprite, orange slice, pepsi, and ending on dr. pepper. she is so nervous and her hand is shaking so much she spills a few drops on the counter. the drink is so potent it burns right through the counter like acid. the entire crowd, which is now numbered int he hundreds lets out a gasp as i reach for a straw and take my first sip of my sweet drink of death. i let out a glorious, "ahhhhhhhhhhh" as i am refreashed to the core and am still alive to tell the tale. silence. then slowly one lone man begins clapping. clap. clap. clap. the crowd begins noding their head in approval and all join in with the lone clapper. soon the entire lobby erupts in applause. young men are running up to me to shake my hand, women are bringing their baby’s to me so i can kiss them on the forhead, i am treated like a war hero, rightfully so i believe. just then they all through me on their shoulders and carry me into the auditorium and deliver me to the best seat in the house just as the trailers finish and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 begins to roll. now that was just an average night at the reel joy.

the reel joy was litterally the only hang out in king city. every friday and saturday, regardless of what movie was playing, all the school children would be there. i remember going there for the movie 8 Seconds, agurably one of the worst movies ever, and having it be so full that i had to sit in the 2nd row on one of the broken seats. 8 Seconds, the luke perry rodeo epic, was also the place i recieved my first kiss. her name was dennalie folks and she was my girlfriend for 3 weeks. three of the most magical weeks of my 7th grade life. as luke perry was conquering all odds to be the best rodeo person ever i leaned over and kissed her. all i can remember is OUCH. see dennalie had braces and she wasnt ready for the kiss so i got lips full of metal and a small cut to go along with it. i didnt care, i had just gotten my first kiss! now 8 Seconds is still one of the worst movies of all time, but it will forever be etched in my memory and i gladly welcome it. now little miss dennalie was my frist kiss, but my first date occured one year earlier with shannon nelson. we also went to the reel joy for our date and watched Addams Family Values. this was my first time holding hands with someone, which i still dont really like that much, but it began my prolific dating career. she didnt kiss me that not or ever, but she still has a place in my heart, thanks to the reel joy and raul julia.

the movie theatre wasnt all love and kisses and suicide drinks, there was also a large element of danger to it. this was the place all the kids went to on the weekend, so naturally this is the place where people would settle any disputs they had. this meant for a lot of fights next to the gross, seedy, lobby couch. they were always quick and lame, 1 or 2 punches then a girlfriend would jump in screaming, "no j.d. escobar, i love you, dont fight over me!!!" and rene would come over and pull the 2 apart. one such incident almost took place with me. i was in 6th grade and got into a little playground argument with steven ramirez. steven, using his brain, says, "lets not settle this here, lets settle this at the movie theatre tonight during Mr. Nanny." no i was a scrawny little kid and steven could have beat the shit out of me but i agreed anyway. why you ask? well i knew i was grounded anyway because i had gotten caught stealing mechanical pencils from a store earlier in the week and knew there was no way my mom would let me go to the movies that night, even if it was for Mr. Nanny. so i went home, smiling the whole way, knowing that the whole thing would blow over by monday. monday comes and i had missed the 2 sold out showings of Mr. Nanny. i get to school that morning and am approached by my friend Trask Munoz. he says, "man, its a good thing you didnt go to the movies on friday, steven ended up bringing his pocket knife! he said he was gonna stab you at the soda counter!" this shocked me at first. had i just avoided my own death? did my stealing of school supplies somehow save my life? then i started to giggle at that. i could just imagine me ordering my usual large suicide, then as the crowd gets silent steven bursts through with his, probably very dull, jr. swiss army knife and jabs it into my side. i collapse right as i get my soda and it gows spraying everywhere. steven is immiediatly tackled by the onlookers. i fall to the ground and slowly drift into unconciousness in a pool of blood and 5 different soda syrups. i die the way i lived, very sticky. anyways, i didnt die and i seriously doubt steven would have actually used the knife on me had i gone, but its a fun story none the less.

after a while rene got tired of running the reel joy. he sold it to some scum lord of a man from greenfield(a shit town 10 miles from king city) and even though no one thought it to be possible, this man turned it into a much bigger heap of crap than before. first, he stopped showing movies all together, instead opting to only show mexican soccer matches and pay per view boxing and wrestling matches. not only is this illegal, but it was boring. the reel joy quickly went out of business. it still stands in king city but is ow a little mexican grocery store. we went back there a few months ago to check it out. all the seats in the suditorium had been ripped up to make room for excess groceries, but to our surprise the priojectors are still there and in somewhat working order. we talked in broken spanish to the owner of the reel joy grocery store and convinced him to give us the projectors! now all we have to do is find a place for them and get them whenever we get some time.

and that my friends is the story of the rise and fall of the reel joy, the greatest movie theatre ever. for the one or 2 people that actually read this, i and rene thank you.

 

this is a picture of steve and i playing mario party, he beat me that time, but never again.  last nite i did the unthinkable.  firstly this shows you how completly anti social i am.  i see some people write in their livejournals about how they dont want to go out or claim they are anti social, i am the king.  last nite, friday nite, while people all over the world are getting drunk, puking their guts out, and screwing people, i was home alone playing a 50 turn game of mario party 6.  it is perhaps the greatest friday nite ive ever had.  some people may call me a dork, i prefer to say i have an irational fear of meeting and touching new people.  i remember once there was this film fest and a bunch of my friends and friends family went to it.  now i dont do well in public, especially when there are a lot of people and especially when i know a lot of the people there.  so i basically ignored everyone and they all got pissed off at me, including casey’s mom who thinks im a creep.  ok, story time is over.  back to mario party.

  i just cut the hell from my heel.  i did it about 15 minutes ago and its still bleeding!!!  good times.

Name Four Bad Habits You Have:
1. im an asshole.
2. very negative.
3. lack of motivation.
4. OCD.

Name Four Scents You Love:
1. me, after a shower.
2. clean socks.
3. sweet smell success.
4. my jesus candles.

Name Your Top Four TV Shows
1. NEWSRADIO
2. arrested development
3. monk
4. newsradio

Name Your Top Four Movies
1. the thin red line
2. night of the hunter
3. magnolia
4. 2001: a space odyssey

Name Four People That Know You the Best:
1. dj
2. steve
3. casey
4. no one else really understands me

Name Four Things You Are Thinking About Now:
1. i want to watch the original 6 hour cut of the thin red line
2. how many pushups could i do if i really tried hard?
3. i wonder how i am in bed?  (i know not very good, but how bad?)
4. i wonder how i would look with a moustache?

Name Four Things That You Have Done Today:
1. sent music to various people.
2. rode my bike to the bank.
3. stared at myself in the mirror for my usual 4 hours.
4. cleaned the bathroom. (ben needs to work on his aim when he pees)

Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink:
1. various kinds of pop
2. water
3. more pop
4. ANYTHING WITH ALCOHOL, WOOOOOOOOO LIVERS RULE!

First Grade Teacher’s Name?: mrs. petrovic.

Last Words You Said: "hey ben and casey, what are some of my worst habits."  followed by, "wow, how do i even have friends?"

Last Song You Sang?: i dont sing.
Last Person You Hugged?: bertha.
Last Thing You Laughed At?: all my awesome bad habits.
Last Time You Said ’I Love You’ And Meant It?: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Last Time You Cried?: in the words of sara, "i am emotionless."

What’s In Your CD Player?: owls

What Color Socks Are You Wearing?: black as night.  black as my heart.

What’s Under Your Bed?: 7 dead hookers.

What Time Did You Wake Up Today?: i dont remember, i think around noon.

Current Taste?: not a damn thing.

Current Hair?: it does what it wants.  i combed it a few days ago.

Current Clothes?: socks, blue boxers, grey slacks, blue discount shirt, blue grandpa sweater.

Current Annoyance?: jesus, way too many to list.

 

Current Longing?: i long to see the original cut of the thin red line

Current Desktop Picture?: OWL!!!

Current Worry?: i gots no cash money millionaire till my birthday!!!

Current Favorite Physical Feature Of The Opposite Sex?: i like tummys

Last CD You Bought?: raking bombs oh, and trail of dead.

One Person From Your Past You Wish You Could Go Back And Talk to?: me as a little kid.  id slap some sense into me.

How Many Kids Do You Want? two and their names will be Hezikiah and Jamaal-Fuquan.

Type A Line You Remember From Any Book: "though like a lightning flash, some sword may lop my head, it were as though spring winds were slashed.  one is not awed by threats of such a blowless blow."  I Am A Cat - Soseki Natsume

A Random Lyric: "we fall into patterns quickly.  we fall in patterns too quickly."-owls

How about the stupidest lyric?: "everytime i come ’round yo’ city, bling bling.  pinky ring cost ’bout fitty, bling bling."

 

bands worth seeing at coachella.

day 1.
cafe tacuba
sage francis
bloc party
mercury rev
secret machines
M83 (maybe, could be fucking boring)
four tet
mf doom
buck 65

day 2.
arcade fire
perceptioniosts
sixtoo
beans
matmos

wow, this coachella looks pretty shitty. most of the best acts there are hip hop, and i can only take so much of hip hop before someone shoots me. im also sick of crappy old bands like bauhaus, nine inch nails, weezer (weezer fucking sucks), new order, gang of four, and cocteau twins. i mean some of them have some good stuff, but who would want to see them now? way past their prime, they should be doing the state fair circuits. i dont know, just one mans opnion.

one time when dj, freddy, matt, and jon were visiting me we wanted to go swimming.  i dont have a pool.  we noticed motels have pools.  we went to this ghetto motel to go swimming.  we got out there and started to get in the water when this man comes out and says he is from the motel and we asked if we are registered guests.  jon instantly says, "no, lets go."  but then freddy calmly says, "yes, of course we are, we are in room 314."  i was very impressed by freddy’s answer at first until i noticed what the motel employee noticed immediatly, there is no room 314 and there is no 3rd floor.  this man then asked us again to leave, and we were a bunch of crack ass birds, so of course we werent gonna leave.  he then walked into a room nearby.  a few minutes later he walked out and was accompanied by 5 giant mexican gangster looking fellows who looked rather angry that we were swimming in their motel swimming pool.  the man said, "im gonna ask you one more time to leave."  i thought it was about time to be heading out, and he did ask rather politely, so we left, before we died.  we still had a hankering for some swimming so we went cross town to the holiday inn.  they didnt have very high pool security, so we got to swimming pretty quickly and easily.  the only other people at the pool were two nice little european women accompanied by they incredibly hot mother.  freddy, jon, and i, all thought we actually had a chance with this gorgeous french tickler and were all strutting what god gave us.  dj and matt really couldnt give two shits.  ok, now we get to the best part.  we all got in the spa and the two little children were in there too.  we are sitting back, talking loudly about "cool" things to impress euro mom and she is occasionally looking up, probably to check on her children, but id like to think its because she wanted to sex me up.  anyways, out of nowhere dj and matt decide to have a pec flexing contest.  you know, pec’s (chest muscles).  so they are intensly staring at each other and flexing with all their might back and forth bacn and forth back and forth, it looked like a sweaty hairy grandfather clock.  it was hypnotizing and nausiating.  they are locked on each others chest, both flexing non stop till one flinches, we all gather round to see who will back down first.  as soon as the contest is reaching its peak, euro mom looks up and see’s, well, this disgusting display of pornographic chest flexing.  she instantly jumps up and runs to the spa, grabs her kids, and takes off with a look of terror on her face.  all of our erections for euro mom are instantly gone.  the moral of the story, if you are trying to score with a hot european older lady, never bring dj and matt along, because their tit flexing contest’s will cock block you everytime.

  ben and i had a wrestiling match, it was a hoot!

 

 

  ben is a worthy match, he has guts and furry.

  but right as he was getting the upper hand he, for some unknown reason, started skanking, and yelling, "pick it up pick it up!"

  then, mid "oi", i grabbed ben and began my puma like attack.

  we struggled very sexily back and forth.  one man had to get the upper hand and the other would be forever a bottom only.

  then i pulled out my secret weapon, my ass!!!!  while he was distracted by this ripe round thing of beauty i made my move.

  in one swift motion i threw ben to the ground and pounced on him like a very sexy puma pouncing on its half as sexy prey.

  judging by the look of sheer terror on bens face, id say i would be the clear winner. 

 

ben fought well and i admire his fortitude, but there can be only one puma man, and i is he.

tonight the body massage played a show tonight. we played 2 songs, 1 of them was an original song of ours that was 20 minutes long, the other was "sweet home alabama" sung by the newest member of body massage, a young vibrant american named Ben Begley. we didnt really play very good and no one really liked us, but we kinda dont care. to us, playing our songs is very selfish, we really enjoy playing the songs and such, but no one else really does. we are plenty ok with that though. the last 17 seconds of our original song sounded really good though. the next band, i forgot what they were called, was my freind pete’s band. pete’s real name is pat, but i call him pete because he looks exactly like the older brother in Pete and Pete. anyway, his band was metal as fuck and i was so tempted to throw up the metal hand and tickle the sky, but i got fries instead. the last band we stayed to see was Raking Bombs. they are from vancouver and are unbelievable. they are one of the most interesting amd fascinating bands ive seen and/or heard in sometime. they are all amazing mucisians and such creative song writers. they have to be seen(scene) to be believed. then we got some burritos from TA’s and mine was soooo spicy. i saw some cool people too. amanda, caro, harmony, pete, kelsey, p, lawrence, and garrett. also, in the works is an elkins/body massage collaberation, keep your ears to the street.