Legitimate quotes from The Unofficial Guide to Mexico’s Best Beach Resorts:

But the language is certainly different–a mix of Spanish and English called Spanglish….

Drinking too much cheap tequila (a common pitfall) will also make you wish the Angel of Death would pay a merciful visit.

Riding home on my bike today I saw a bumpersticker:

NO MORE BUSHIT

In honor of Fahrenheit 9/11 coming out tomorrow night.

David Sedaris is speaking at Cal Poly this weekend, and I will be attending. He stooped so low as to be interviewed by the Mustang Daily, which resulted in the following:

MD: Do you have any advice for college students? We need it.

David Sedaris: Right… I would just encourage college students to take drugs and have sex with as many people as possible because one day they’ll be old and right now they’re the perfect age for all that stuff. They might as well have fun now, and then they can reflect upon it later when they’re old.

MD: I’m using that as my headline: “David Sedaris says: Get Laid!

David Sedaris: Don’t leave out the drug part.

Me: Where’s Young taking off to this weekend?

Uncle C: She is going to Truckee with like 8 other gilrfriends for a Spiritual Women’s retreat.
…
Uncle C: I was actually San Jose last weekend for something similar with the Bible Study Fellowship organization. The only difference was that I was with 3000 of my closest friends instead of 8.

Me: What can you do, you’re just more popular than she is.

Uncle C: True, it is a gift, and sometimes it fills like a curse. But it is the will of the people to see me.

Me: good riddle

Eugene: do you get alerts?
Eugene: i just put that up

Me: No, I just check my website habitually when i’m bored

Eugene: so do i
Eugene: you need to update more often
Eugene: three times a day at least

Me: I thought you checked your website habitually
Me: and I was thinking
Me: you need to update more often

Eugene: how ironic.

Mitch Hedberg, a very funny stand-up comedian died march 30th. Here are some of my favorite one-liners...

If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptible...

Every time I go and shave, I assume there is somebody else on the planet shaving as well, so I say, "I’m gonna go shave too."

My apartment is infested with koala bears. It’s the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter, but I don’t want them too. I’m like, "Hey... Hold on fellows... Let me hold one of you, and feed you a leaf." Koala bears are so cute, why do they have to be so far away from me. We need to ship a few over, so I can hold one, and pat it on its head.

I wish I could play little league now. I’d be way better than before.

I like buying snacks from a vending machine because food is better when it falls. Sometimes at the grocery, I’ll drop a candy bar so that it will achieve its maximum flavor potential.

On a traffic light green means go, and yellow means yield... but on a banana, it’s just the opposite,... green means hold on, yellow means go ahead... and red means, where the f*** did you get that banana at?

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so, Yeah."

I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide."

This shirt is dry clean only. Which means...it’s dirty.

You know they call corn on the cob, corn on the cob but that’s how thats how it comes out of the ground, they should call that corn, they should call every other version corn off the cob. It’s not like if you’d cut off my arm you would call my arm Mitch, but then reattach it and call it Mitch all together.

I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.

The Pope didn’t have any funny one-liners.

My st patty’s day away message and my favorite response so far....

Auto response from Me: Some people struggle all their life to be perfect- Some are just born Irish. Happy St. Patrick’s Day!!

CaptainNamo: what?!
CaptainNamo: forget that!
CaptainNamo: it’s st. patrick’s day!
CaptainNamo: EVERYONE’S IRISH!
CaptainNamo: SOMEONE GIVE ME A GUINESS!!!

Quotes I’m FINALLY taking off my AIM profile, enjoy!

"Linda Tripp should light incense to John Goodman, because she never looked that good." - Henry Winkler

"Nature, nurture, and nutter." -Robin Williams on what it takes for someone to be funny

"I think therefore we have nothing in common." -my ballet teacher

Just for shock value, I wish he had said this to a student, however, he didn’t. He just said "I heard this funny saying yesterday". Oh well.

I’ve been 19 for a whole hour and six minutes, and my wonderful suitemates couldn’t possibly let me sleep through this momentous event so they were talking about they wonderful, as far as I know fake (but I’ll let you know when I do a real birthday update) present, a stripper. And joking around about how apparently I should get to umm..."use" this present 19 times. The quote of the day goes to Rylie. Enjoy!

"But the stripper only has one."
"Yeah, but it’s reusable!"

...maybe you had to be there ;-)

Me: have an essay due...yesterday
Brian: You’re going to have to start running if you’re going to hit eighty-eight miles per hour.

Yay for older brothers! :-D

Ok, so vacation and ended and the new quarter started but instead of giving you boring details I’m gonna give you funny quotes, yay! Here goes...

(While Karen and I are watching Mean Girls)
Dad: So that’s like a documentary of your lives right? You girls were the plastics at your HS?
US: Haha, no
Me: The only thing plastic about me in HS was my lunch box.

Dad: Cocaine is child’s play compared to heroine.

Me (on the phone): Sorry, Janette (pronounced Janet) walked in to my room.
DM: Janet!
Me: yes, Janet Jackson just walked into my room
DM: OOoOo! Ask her to show you her boob!

And if that doesn’t sum up my vacation and school, I don’t know what will.

1. What did you do in 2004 that you’d never done before? graduated college

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? i never make one.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? no, but pat wilson’s wife just did.

4. Did anyone close to you die? no

5. What countries did you visit? - i took a ride in the country

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? a full time job!

7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? for some reason i always remember august 29th. i drove back to san luis that weekend, missed LA, did a good show, drove back to LA, and then returned home to NC, only to miss LA and SLO and the good show that i went to and all that stuff.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? graduating

9. What was your biggest failure? not lining up a job for when i graduated, or not making plans to live in LA.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? i got strep throat for the fist time ever.

11. What was the best thing you bought? - a car

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? friends

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? a girl who i used to be friends with

14. Where did most of your money go? gas, food, bills

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? LA summer fun

16. What song will always remind you of 2004? limbeck acoustic

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? a little bigger in the hips, i’m sure
c) richer or poorer? poorer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? - excercise, work

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? - waste time on the internet

20. How will you be spending Christmas? - in maryland with my big family

21. Did you fall in love in 2004? - no :

22. How many one-night stands? - ehh. let’s say one.

23. What was your favorite TV program? - law & order

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? - nope

25. What was the best book you read? - ehh i dont remember

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? lots

27. What did you want and get? a car

28. What did you want and not get? a life

29. What was your favorite film of this year? -

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? - i turned 21, went to sushi and mccarthy’s.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? - a boyfriend

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? - hahhah. eesh.

33. What kept you sane? - chris and my mom

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? richard dean anderson

35. What political issue stirred you the most? - the election

36. Who did you miss? - CALIFORNIA

37. Who was the best new person you met? - some dude at the show last night. he kept talking and talking. not to me, of course. oh, and i met devender from kudzu wish, and he didnt look at me the whole time we talked. weird,right?

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004: don’t be a jerk and don’t call people stupid

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: - thanks for the ride to the airport (i’ll stop there)

Well, it finally happened. Shit this is weird-- single.

the time had come the walrus said
to speak of many things
of shoes and ships and sealing wax
of cabbages and kings
and why the sea is boiling hot
and whether pigs have wings



Oh! Completely unrelated, I promise, new icon. It makes me cackle.

Thing one: "I can’t wait for tomorrow’s Oprah, its about swingers!"
Thing two: "...can’t I just give you a blow job to get this over with? Seriously! That’s what I was thinking."

 Good grief! What the holy hell is going on with my generation?  Ok, now granted these were only snippets of conversation I caught while riding by, but both of those comments nearly knocked me off my bike, especially the second one.

Ok, so this porning I got some spam for a porn site. Now this is not so weird in and of itself, but the message body was just... well, here it is:

For many chilredn, joy cmeos as the result of mining smoething unique and worndous about thmeseevls form smoe inner shaft.
For whateevr is truly wodrnous and fearful in man, never yet was put into wdros or bokso. Fear of failure must neevr be a reason not to try stoemhing.

So, by now, you should know that Alyssa and I got engaged today. What you don’t know probably is how it happened, which is pretty funny, in my humble opinion. So here’s the story...

some background first: Alyssa and I had been talking about getting engaged for months, and I let her in on the design of the ring all except one thing, where the diamonds came from. So, she knew the jeweler’s name (which is Laurie Lehman, a friend of my mom’s from Santa Barbara -- see http://floraljewels.com/), roughly when the Laurie was going to send it to me, and knew that it was coming from SB. So, Alyssa dropped me off at class today and came back to my place where she was going to do some work before she had to pick me up at 4pm...

The mail man came up to my door with a little package for me, and Alyssa being the only one here, opened the door... she noticed it was from Laurie not to mention it was from SB. D’OH! ... so, she signed for it, and (surprisingly) didn’t open it before I saw her. She came to pick me at school around 4pm and, naturally, brought the package with her to show me... I immediately saw it and was shocked, since it was supposed to be a surprise for me proposing. At this point, both of us felt really awkward, but it was so funny at the same time.. we just cracked up the whole way home. When we got back, while I had the unopened box on the table in the living room, I proposed to Alyssa in my bedroom as she clenched her beloved Dexter (one of her dogs). She said "yeaaaa.....", then she followed up by saying, "You’re supposed to open the ring first." Shortly after that, she gave me a firm, "yes." I admit, after-the-fact, that that probably would have been better, but as I also later said, the proposal was far from traditional anyway. ;-) So, I went into the kitchen by myself, and opened the package to discover a stunningly beautiful ring inside. It was carefully packaged up in like a billion different layers of tissue paper, etc, but it was worth the excavation. I came back into my room with it, and gave it to Alyssa, telling her that "This is for you.... I love you." She was stunned by it’s impeccable beauty. She looks so good with it on her hand too! :)

If you didn’t see the pics yet, see them here: http://www.cappaberra.com/gallery.php?folder=pictures/calpoly/4th/ring/

Jim, who would have loved to hear of this news, wrote this to me about the diamonds a while ago:

Your great, great grand father was a diamond cutter in Amsterdam in the 1800’s and if you look on the chain of his watch, you will find a very small hand, which was at that time, "the signature" for diamond cutters. He cut those diamonds and they were from your great, great, grandmother’s wedding band. Of course your father used other diamonds to make his ring, and if you look closely at the diamonds you will see that some of them are of different sizes. The larger ones came from her ring.

So, there ya have it. Alyssa and I are getting married! We’re thinking next spring. Who wants to come? ;)

yea! That time of the quarter again ... I finally got all of my grades back, and I didn’t do as well as last quarter. Nevertheless, I’m still happy that I’m almost done with school, and last quarter being overwith. On with the grades!

SOFTWARE ENGINEERING I: B+
Completely expected... respectable grade for what I did in the class.
PRGRMBL LGC/MCRPRCSR-BSD SYS DSN: C
Hrmm... I thought I was going to get a B, but I guess not. (Maybe I didn’t do so hot on the final?) ... I donno, I’ll go in and see what the deal is next week.
INTRO OPERATING SYSTEMS: C
Expected. Known from the beginning what my grade was, and plus, the material wasn’t that easy.
DIGITAL ELEC & INTRGRTD CIRCUITS: D+
Heh... my 3rd D in college. :) Er, I guess I should be unhappy about that. Well, in any case, I PASSED!!! YES!!!! I’m so happy about that. :-D
DIGITAL INTEGR ELEC LAB: A
Welp, go figure... I got a D+ in the lecture and an A in the lab ... This was a nice surprise.

So, that’s it folks.. another quarter (my 3rd to last).. two more to go. One more insane one, then an easy one to finish it off at a community college! :) I’m excited to be done...

MavSurfer said this about the swell arriving tomorrow:

The outer Buoys are the biggest we’ve seen in the past five years or so. And the entire coast of California is on a high surf advisory for the next three days.

At last check the Southeast Papa Buoy reached 30 ft swells at 20-second intervals. Basically when this swell hits Mavericks the waves will be double that size. As we speak crews are on their way out to Cortes Bank the worlds newest Big Wave Surf Spot located one hundred miles west of San Diego. Also guys are gearing up and heading out to Todo Santos Island another well-known Big Wave spot just south of Ensenada Mexico. The first giant sets should start rolling in at day break Wednesday morning.

It should be awesome... I’m probably gonna go to The Ranch on Thursday if Robert makes it out alive tomorrow. :-P We’ll see how it is... it’s going to be massive. weeee.... I’m hoping to get some pictures for all to see. Keep it tuned here for the latest!

Well I guess what you say is true
I could never the right kind of girl for you.
I could never be your woman.

"Stress is the confusion created when the mind overrides the body’s basic desire to choke the living shit out of some jerk who desperately deserves it." -- Anon.

between lab and banality, I’ll be happy when my day doesn’t consist of persistent feelings of futility, punctuated by occasional vomitous tachycardic moments of anxiety. I thought I’d left those behind months ago.

I live a lot better when I’m out and about. there’s got to be a way I can incorporate my sci-geekness, the computer stuff, photography and a serious case of wanderlust. Spring break seems to be leading towards a camping/climbing/photo trip to Joshua Tree NP, and early summer’s NOLS plans seem have a green light, barring something stupid. If I don’t get my credits from this year (serious possibility, depending on the outcome of this project), I can graduate with credits from NOLS.


Also, a prize goes to the first person to give me a good reason to why I was listening to Annie Lennox covering the Clash’s Train in Vain. I want those minutes of my life back, damn it.

Name: Natalie Alejandrina Dale
-B-date: 8/21/1981
-Height: 5?9?
-Shoe size: 10
-Right or lefty: righty
-Innie or outtie: innie
-Eye color: green
-Nationality: Mexican, Canadian, Welsh, Scottish
-Hair color: Brown with red streaks
-Parents names: Maggi and Bill
-Do you live with both of them?: for now
-Do you consider yourself a stylish person?: only when I wanna be
-Screen name(s): ndtalia
-Are you straight, bi, gay?: straight
-Are you secretly interested in someone on your friends’ list? Maybe? wouldn?t YOU like to know?!
What’s on your computer desk? Printer, phone, lamp, pens, glass of water, post-its
-What do your sheets look like? My Lady of Guadalupe Mexican blanket I got at the San Jose Flea market
-Name something you’ve done in the last 24 hrs no matter how big or small: I?m teaching myself Spanish
How long does it take you to get ready to go out?: 10 min max
-How many drinks before you’re tipsy?: about 4
-Describe yourself while drunk?: dance machine
-Which movie can you watch and say the lines along with the actors?: So I married an Axe Murderer
-Do you ever go to sleep with songs on ’repeat’?: no, that?s kinda weird
-Are you a vegetarian?: going on 7 years
-What size is your computer screen?: 15 inch-ish?
-Name one person your life is made better by: That?s hard, I surround myself with so many great people
-Name something that people say you do really well: listen
-Pick up the closest book and write a random sentence from it: ?Mientras, ojala que encuentro pronto un huicio, tengo que mear como el demonio.?
-Do the same with a lyric from either a CD or the radio- ?What is love? Baby don?t hurt me.? (I did not buy this CD, I swear, but it?s good when I?m in a goofy mood)
-Do the same with something from TV: ?No, thanks mister, I?m here with a lady.?
-Have you ever tried to analyze your own dreams?: yes
-Have you or would you ever do anything more than kiss in a public area?: I haven?t, but I?m up for anything? bring it.
-Are you a fast typer?: I guess so, but I have this dyslexia thing taht makes me srcew up a dot.
-Do people pick up your slang language more than you pick up theirs?: not really
-Name your worst quality: I get jealous sometimes
-Have you ever intentionally set a clock ahead or behind the actual time?: yes, So I could have cuddle time. Teehee.
-What’s your favorite cereal?: kashi
-What was the last compliment someone payed you?: you are beautiful
-What’s in your wallet/purse?: chap stick, cell phone, camera, wallet, check book
-What is your daily before-going-to-bed ritual?: brush my teeth
-What is the one thing you will never understand about the opposite sex?: Why they don?t think what they do hurts people.
-What’s your typical sleep wear?: pj pants and t-shirt
-Kissed someone of the same sex?: yeah, but it wasn?t fo reals. The girls I?ve kissed are pretty hot, but they really don?t do anything for me.
-Something you love and hate?: boys
-What do you order at a bar?: vodka tonic
-Do you have problems changing clothes in front of friends?: no, what the fuck do they care?
-What kind of first impression do you think you give to people?: shy
-One thing you like to do alone?: I could think of something really dirty, but instead I?ll take, shopping for 1,000 please.
-Last person who called you?: Kathryn
-Last person that saw you cry?: Carina
-Last person you shared a drink with?: Kathryn
-Weirdest person you know: Thomas
-Funniest person you know: Carina
-Loudest person you know: Lillian
-Quietest person you know: Kat
-Sweetest person you know: Priscilla
-Sexiest person you know: male or female? Maria
-Sneakiest person you know: Maria
-Last person who sent you an e-mail?: Carlos
-Last noise you heard: rain drops outside
-Who can you tell most of your secrets to?: I don?t really have secrets, I don?t hide anything from my friends, that?s the only way you can have lasting relationships
-If you could eliminate any words from our vocabulary, what would they be?: I don?t like any derogatory names, I don?t even want type them. Let?s move on.
-Favorite actress?: Natalie Wood
-Do your parents like the music you listen to?: some of it
-Whats the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?: Lengua soup (cow tongue)
-Is your room clean?: no, I have all my crap from college still in it.
-What do you have on the walls of your room?: posters and stuff from high school like my pom poms
-Do you like cold, warm or hot showers?: bring on the hotness baby!
-What kind of razor do your use?: how the hell do I know? It just works
-What color is your tooth brush?: ummm orange, but the bristles and white. I swear.
-Favorite alcoholic drink?: dirty vodka martinis
-Least favorite alcoholic drink?: anything with rum, I start to gag, and then I have to slap a bitch.
-Most embarrassing thing you’ve done while drunk?: kissed someone I wasn?t supposed to. Oops.
-Who is your favorite person to get drunk with?: Carina, Priscilla, Sally, Byron, Rodo (the alcoholics) we are all pretty damn entertaining!
-Have you ever bought anything on the internet?: dvds, books, and an ebay vinyl record from the UK
-Where are you ticklish?: I?m ticklish everywhere. Don?t tell anyone. I?ll have to kill you.
-If you could sleep with 5 celebs @ different times (or at the same time if that’s your thing) who would they be?: Johnny Depp, Cedric Bixler, The shirtless men of Telemundo (can that count as one?)
-What color underwear are you wearing right now?: black with white flowers
-What do you like on your pizza?: mushrooms and olives, or pineapple and jalapenos
-The most over-used phrase on aol/aim?: lol
-What’s on your mouse pad?: plain black, it?s my dad?s computer
-What time do you wake up in the morning?: around 8 ish
-What song do you wish you had written?: moondance
-Using only ONE word, describe yourself: lovesick
-Fave lipstick color: me no likey lipstick, I?d go with a clear gloss
-Are you currently in a relationship?: are you kidding me?
-Fave pair of jeans: levis
-Fave candy: chocolate brittle, and candy necklaces
-If you died tomorrow, who would you leave everything to?: my parents, at least they could sell it and get something
What is your dream career?: rockstar, or movie critic, globe trotter (not the harlem kind)
-Britney or christina?: Christina, at least she can sing a little
-What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?: take my vitamins (im already an old lady)
-What’s the first thing you do when you get home from work/school?: go pee
-Describe your bedroom: I painted it light blue when I was in high school. I painted clouds on the celing, pom poms and high school corsages on the wall, twin bed, large dresser, big book shelf, all my stuff from college still in boxes that take up most of the room.
-The most embarrassing cd in your collection: night at the Roxbury soundtrack
-Last movie you saw?: hotel Rwanda
-Last phone number you called?: latin America for less travel
-Last thing you had to drink?: green tea
-Last thing you ate: chocolate
-Last time you showered: this morning
-Last person you kissed: alejandro
-Last thing you said: ok, mom.
-Last person you talked to online: luna
-What do you most like about your body?: my legs
-What do you dislike about your body?: my arms
-Favorite SONG Quote: that?s crazy! I have a bagillion songs that I love to death! You can?t ask a DJ that question! I could short circuit.
-Do you prefer blondes or brunettes?: brunettes
-What is the first thing you notice about someone?: smile and eyes
-Do you sleep with stuffed animals?: no, but I do have a monsters inc. doll that I throw on there every now and then (lil? Mikey)
-How many pillows are on your bed?: two
-You ever have that "falling" dream?: yeah, I have really weird dreams.
-Do you use chapstick?: all the time
-Allergies: only in the spring time
-A country you’d like to explore: china, africa
-The music you prefer while alone: depends on my mood, but I usually turn it up
-Your cologne or perfume: I guess perfume, cause cologne is for guys, I don?t usually wear perfume, cause it makes me sneeze.
-You don’t have a lot of: money
-What feature do you find the most attractive on others? honesty
Which messenger services do you use?: aim
What is your favorite fruit?: green apples
Do you like sunrises or sunsets the most?: sunsets
How many pairs of shoes do have in your closet?: I dunno, 10? Since I?m a girl I should have more right? Is that what your getting at? Huh? HUH?
Do you sleep more on your back, front, or sides?: sides
If you were stuck on an island, who would you wanna be stuck with: someone hot
Who do you go to for advice on the opposite sex (or sex that you’re attracted to)?: Kathryn or Carina
If you were a crayon what color would you be?: magenta
Fave gum: mint? The kind that?s chewy? I don?t use gum
Who gives you butterflies?: ok, I don?t like to give away everything! If you really want to know, send me an email
Who are the last two boys/girls you’ve kissed?: Son of a Bitch! Ok, alex and maria. there.
What color pants are you wearing right now?: blue jeans
What are the last four digits of your phone number?: 2020
What is your favorite type of food?: Mexican is my soul food
Where do you want to go on your honeymoon?: bora bora, or maybe africa
Favorite magazine?: colors
Are you too shy to ask someone out?: yes, I used to be scared of people.
Hugs or kisses?: I?ll take two please?. of each? thank you.
Do you have anything pierced?: just my ears
What was your favorite toy as a child?: my blankey
Do you trust others easily?: not so much anymore. I?ve been fucked over a lot.
How do you release anger?: I go running, yell at people with my windows rolled up.
If you were another person, would you be friends with yourself?: Hell yes! I?m one bad-ass mamacita!
Were you named after anyone?: Natalie Wood. My mom wanted me to be an actress so she gave me a stage name or something. The acting thing hasn?t worked out, because I?m not slutty enough and I can?t sing.
Do you snore?: no
Do you own a webcam?: I used to, but I just used it to take pictures and tweek them, now I have a digital camera, so there?s less of a chance I?ll have a stalker. Thanks friendster!
Have you ever ran away from home?: no, but friends have come to my house to run away.
When was the last time you laughed really hard?: yesterday. Carina makes my stomach hurt
What’s under your bed?: cds, shoes
Favorite piece of jewelry?: dangly earrings
Do you keep your underwear and socks in the same drawer?: no, what if they get in a fight?
What are you addicted to?: the internet
What is your biggest pet peeve?: people who say they are going to do something and they don?t do it. Which is pretty much lying.
What is your dream car?: a hybrid convertible. Do they make those yet? I?d like to take it off sweet jumps.
What is your favorite cartoon of all time?: Garfield and Friends
Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?: no, but I came close. My throat closed up once and they were gonna have to cut open my throat and put a tube down it. Instead I went to a local doctor and he gave me this liquidy stuff to drink and my throat opened up. Don?t you think these high-tech ambulance people would have wanted to do that before cutting me open???????
Can you pick stuff up with your toes?: yes, they are very talented. They?re going on tour.
If you could invite any movie star to your home for dinner, who would it be?: john cusack
What’s on your nightstand table?: pills, and a red rose
Describe your bed: its my brother?s old bed, twin size, brown wood head-board, blue sheets
What do you carry with you at all times?: my ID, little things I can keep in my wallet: a shamrock, and fortunes from fortune cookies
Are you happy with your given name?: yeah, its ok. I don?t know many natalies so yeah, its good.
What is the best quality of a friend: they are able to make me laugh, listen and cry with me.
Favorite thing in your bedroom?: my closet has about 100 wine bottles in it.
Ever walked in on your parents having sex?: EWWWW! And lived? NEVER
Do you like ketchup on or beside your fries?: beside, but I really like malt vinegar and salt. It?s a English thing?. So I?m told
Have you ever done any drugs: surprisingly no. but I?ve had about a million chances to. Just never really cared to.
Have any pets?: not anymore. my cat and dog died a few years ago. Now we just have a gold fish named Fitty Fitty.
Do you have a job?: YEAH! I?ll be starting in a few weeks!
What do you do?: I will help make wine in Chile
Do you have any tattoos?: no, never really wanted one.
What couldn’t you live without?: my friends. They got my back.
Do you have a bad temper?: no. those genetics went to my brother. Thank God!
What makes you really really angry?: Lyers, not calling when you say you?re going to, my mother, laziness
What would truly surprise people about you if they found out?: I have a slightly dark colored birthmark just above my right butt cheek in the shape of South America.
What is the greatest piece of advice you’ve ever heard?: you are beautiful, don?t let anyone else tell you otherwise. Thanks Felicia :/
Worst advice you’ve ever heard?: Let?s take another shot, you pansies!
Who is the last person who asked for your phone number?: This guy in Chile who?s helping me find housing
Who is the hottest girl/guy at your school/work? I?ll let you know when I get to Chile
How do you eat an oreo?: twist it apart and eat the insides first
Club or houseparty?: house party. That way I know all my cool friends are gonna be there
What are your bad habits? Biting my nails, over analyzing
Current CD in player: Can
Where did your parents make the biggest mistake in raising you?: I think I turned out just fine.
Drinks or shots?: Can?t we do both? How much money you got?
Ever had a threesome?: no. I?ve never met anyone I?d want to do that with. So for now, NO. What if I catch something. that?s just gross.
Which school picture did you bury in your bottom drawer?: junior year
Goodwill or gap: goodwill, they always have something unique
Do you have any weird preferences/habits?: not really. I think that?s why I get along with people. We can do whatever, im flexible.
How much money do you currently have in your wallet?: a two dollar bill, that my mom thinks I will be able to use in an emergency. I don?t know what two dollars will buy me in an emergency. Someone explain this.
A book you had to read for school and hated: either I?ve liked them all, or nothing really scared me for life because I cant think of a bad one.

(This is a long email, but I need you to read the whole thing. So there will be breaks where you can get up, stretch or get something to drink.)

To all who can help:
If I haven?t spoken or have been in contact for the past few months there is a reason. Some of you know that I have done zines and year in reviews and stuff like that in the past so I have decided to raise the bar. I am upping the ante from zine and trying to create an actual legitmate publication. For the past few months I have been getting information on how to go about getting a full magazine printed and on the stands. And after all that I think I’m ready.
I have decided on the title PIK for my magazine. It just popped in my head and that?s what I?m using, damn it.
I have decided on making a quality of life magazine. It?s going to focus on ?I?m not a freshman but I haven?t settled yet? audience. It?s going to incorporate everything: music, movies, life when you really have nothing tying you down, but your own damn laziness and your phone bills.
I think that making a music magazine would have been a whole lot easier, but the problem is that there are way too many of them around, especially Los Angeles. There is always a new music weekly popping up and I don?t think that I could improve the music magazine; I think that there is only so much you could do with it. I know I?ll probably have to put some new band on the cover, but if I claim to be a music magazine I?m cutting myself short.
I want this magazine to have a crap load of different articles and sidebars because I think the more interesting mags are the ones that take you a few sitting sessions to get through. I want it so that anyone in their 20?s or early 30?s can pick it up and find something interesting in it. I know that this must sound pretentious, but when you think about it a magazine is the corporeal representation of pretentiousness. All I really want to do is produce something that people will like to take to the crapper, the bus, the tattoo waiting room or the break room. And it goes without saying they will cover music and topics that are not mainstream.
So now that you know what kind of delusional ideas I have for this magazine here is where you come in.
(You can take a breather and stretch now)
I need to use you! Yeah, imagine that.
I am not about to go through the same crap I went through with the KCPR Yearbook or Zine. I can?t do it all alone. No one can. So I?m asking for help.
Here are some places that I?m going to need help in.
The meat of the magazine: articles.
Article Types:
Personality ProfileInterviews: These articles are what ’Tiger Beat’ and ’Rollingstones’ are based on. They recount the accomplishments, personality, likes and dislikes in artists. This is just a profile of the artist. They are pretty self-explanatory.
Roundups: Articles on a controversial topic. You get the opinion of 10 or so people and just do it. It’s highlighting a subject matter and showing all sides. For example the subject of SF same-sex marriage licenses.
Service Pieces: I?m guessing that everyone will have an idea for these types of articles. They tell readers how to get the goods, do the things, or achieve the goals that interest them. Typically set in a numbered, how-to format (?Ten Ways to?.?).
Things to do and places to go (as well as things to avoid). These articles can be written from a first-person viewpoint or in the third person. Ex. top ten bars with Christmas lights on. Sidebars give details on cost, accommodations, restaurants, etc.
Regular Departments: Book Reviews, Art and Performance reviews, calendar of events, movie reviews, Album reviews.
Comics, Illustrations, Cartoons: What can I say? Make them not suck!
Constant Columns: Okay, this is my deal with columns. I welcome all column ideas. Just remember what that really means. You are responsible for your column every issue. I would be pissed if you say that you want to write a column for this publication and the following issue you say, ?Yeah, about that column, I don?t want to do that anymore.? If you want it you got it, but you have to keep at it.
Sidebars: These are those small featurettes on the side of the article that gives further details about the article. They compliment the article. Like if there was an article on fly-fishing. A sidebar would be something small about how to make your own fly or where the best places are to fly fish. Ex: Lists, Tests, definitions, how to, information sources, maps, graphics.
Even if you don?t want to help me out with the writing there are tons of things that I need to get done. I know that I have spoken to some of you and asked for your help because you have special powers. (In form of an ice sled) So, if I haven?t here I you go.
PRINTING: I still need to get all my information of printing costs. So if you know anyone that could help me out that would be greatly appreciated. I need to get more quotes and lingo down.
IDEAS: I cant come up with all this stuff up by my damn self. So, you don?t know how to write but would like to see an article on a specific topic send the idea to me. Mind you only really Ideas. No, ideas on enemas, poop, or how-to-pick up a Berkeley for your very own. I know how you bastards think.
I know you mo-fos are creative because if you weren?t I probably wouldn?t know you, unless you are that one charity case that I have. At the same time don?t get pissed if I don?t use your idea on the first issue. Just ask yourself, would people like to read it in a magazine. If you have the hook-ups with a good band then hook it up, especially if they are doing something close to summer.
AD SALES: This is the only help I can pay. I think most of you are familiar with underwriting. If you know a business place that would like to advertise or if you would like to sale ads for me even better, there is of course a commission with every ad sold. I could give you further information later.
DESIGN: I will be using quark express for the layout. I know that there are a few graphic designers out there and any help from you guys in designing my masthead or just some basic pointers that I shouldn?t forget in layout would be greatly appreciative.
WEB: I think I have asked someone for help with the web aspect of it but it would be awesome and greatly received any one that would be willing to help with that.
Things that SUCK: I can?t readily pay anyone for ideas or their help in this first issue, but I would like to as this venture of mine gets momentum. Of course you would all get bylines and credit on the contributors list.
(Breath)
I don?t think that I could emphasize how much I need your help for my idea to succeed. That?s why I will do anything to get you to help me. If you don?t know how to write, but you want to I will help your ass. If you do want to write but have no ideas I will give them to you. If you have some idea but don?t know how to work it I will help you with it.
That?s it I have done all the legwork. I have received an ISSN number. I have researched and read about the business and writing aspects of publishing. I have done my homework for the last five months: talking to other small publishers, ad reps from other publications, editors from some other mags and presses. My next step is getting the material from you guys and anyone you think could also help. I need you guys to get me over the next hurdle.
Will you please help a Guatemalan become the first publishing Mogul? Make me B. Diddy, please.

Sincerely,
Byron

Today as I sit here at my work place, I got a motivational boost from my boss about my magazine.

Part of the Pre-production of the magazine business is to do a sort of market analysis of the competition and what other magazine provides that you like and stuff you could improve upon. So i have been asking for press kits from magazine with rates and other random information.

While i was telling my boss, she told me that she would help out with ads. As far as giving me all her press kits from all the music magazines that are around in LA. I think I’ll use that as a jumping off point and then see other publications. I am gearing my magazine towards music but also just lifestyle you could say.

Hey, If I want Spoon or Har Mar on my Cover I could do that. If I want a nine picture spread with Peaches and Yoko Ono slathering coc butt butter on each other I could do that. When you think about it It would be fucking awesome if I had some one like Cornelius on my cover or if Kid 606 did something that would be fucking rad.

So basically, I want to do it for that. I think that there are people who would hopefully pick it up because of that, but i would also have to have some sort of creative photographers working with me to make the covers not just good but great enough for non-fans or even people who dont know the band, to pick it up and read.

Simply put a maxim for the indie crowd.

So I am getting more psyched as time passes.

Next Task.....Quotes from Printing presses.

Oh...A thing that has recently been bugging me. Teeth whiteners and the new novelty have every single for of appliance having some sort of camera on it.

Actually I want my toaster to take my picture every morning when i get up and show me how white my teeth are damn it.

sorry for the spastic entries

We might as well start this thing...

Back-story: I came back on Monday to my real job. I showed up for two hours and since they were catching up on things they set me to do some minimal job this so...I left. But before leaving they told me to update some lists and stuff. So I emailed the excel stuff and went home. So when I came in on Tuesday. I pretty much was the WHORE for the day.

Side Bar: So starting this New Year the manager wants to see if what other ad companies there are out there. So, she will be going to a few presentations. She wants to see what kind of advertising and promotions outside companies can do that we cant so...

Tuesday I showed up and my boss told me that I was going to go with a rep from this ad agency and go through a SIX-HOUR PRESENTATION! Yeah, check that shit out. Okay so I went with these two guys from some ABC Marketing company. They drove me to meet the "best" associates that they had working the "market". The associate I met was this 20-year-old Vegas guy who just needed to make some cash for his bar he’s trying to put up. He broke down their sales plan and how they work with clients and promotions. So when they started they went from one door to another door soliciting. Apparently this was one of their tragedies. So basically it turned out to be door to door sales people. What the fuck

I went on a two hour run with these guys in a small family community. Everything was surreal. Every house in this community was the same. Every house looked the same every dog looked the same. Every curbside Christmas tree looked the same. Everything the same. It was odd. The community looked what I imagined the 50’s suburbia to be. With all the rows of homes being the same with the same family. I didn?t even think that they still had door-to-door sales people. I think of a man in his early 30’s with a brown suit and an old brown hat peddling vacuums or encyclopedias, not his ex-break dancer in a blue suit pushing papa john’s pizzas. For lunch they ended taking my to this little diner in north Hollywood. Everything that I commented was funny to them. They were trying really hard to sell these plans to me. If it wasn?t bad enough with the door-to-door then they took me to another "plan." The credit card sign-up. Yeah, great! Chilling with another group of people trying to make a quick buck. For the next hour or so I ended up sitting and looking at these people sign people up for some visa credit card. After that I ended up getting whisked (the word sounds positive, doesn’t it?) to their offices. Basically, a huge warehouse with some offices. They had flyers and posters and a bunch of crap but nothing too impressive. It sucked. ’Til now I didn?t know what the hell they were planning on doing for a MUSIC label. Music really doesn?t translate easily with door-to-door or two for one deals.

So they gave me a one-hour presentation on what they have done with other companies and what they wanted to do for us. I think the only thing that they did that we didn?t was using bills. You know the things that are posters that stick on construction rafters and side of electric breaks on the street. It Sucked! So after they drove me back to the offices and said they would be waiting for a response from my boss today. I came back to work around 4 and caught up with some work that I had to do, so I left work at 9 and got home at 10pm. GOOD TIMES damn it! And I handed my report in and I hope that we don?t use them! Damn them all.